Pre-Christmas at the Covered Market

Bird Rider Pendant

I bought this beautiful pendant from Sarah Ogren on Etsy. It arrived in the post the other day and I put it on a bit of ribbon. I've been wearing it ever since. It makes me happy.

I wish I could ride a bird side saddle, like this rabbit.

Wise words on Oxbridge

"lots of things that should die out in the rest of the world carry on at oxbridge colleges"
-Ricky Gervais

Marginalia

Sometimes the notes are ferocious,
skirmishes against the author
raging along the borders of every page
in tiny black script.
If I could just get my hands on you,
Kierkegaard, or Conor Cruise O'Brien,
they seem to say,
I would bolt the door and beat some logic into your head.

Other comments are more offhand, dismissive -
"Nonsense." "Please!" "HA!!" -
that kind of thing.
I remember once looking up from my reading,
my thumb as a bookmark,
trying to imagine what the person must look like
why wrote "Don't be a ninny"
alongside a paragraph in The Life of Emily Dickinson.

Students are more modest
needing to leave only their splayed footprints
along the shore of the page.
One scrawls "Metaphor" next to a stanza of Eliot's.
Another notes the presence of "Irony"
fifty times outside the paragraphs of A Modest Proposal.

Or they are fans who cheer from the empty bleachers,
Hands cupped around their mouths.
"Absolutely," they shout
to Duns Scotus and James Baldwin.
"Yes." "Bull's-eye." My man!"
Check marks, asterisks, and exclamation points
rain down along the sidelines.

And if you have manage to graduate from college
without ever having written "Man vs. Nature"
in a margin, perhaps now
is the time to take one step forward.

We have all seized the white perimeter as our own
and reached for a pen if only to show
we did not just laze in an armchair turning pages;
we pressed a thought into the wayside,
planted an impression along the verge.

Even Irish monks in their cold scriptoria
jotted along the borders of the Gospels
brief asides about the pains of copying,
a bird signing near their window,
or the sunlight that illuminated their page-
anonymous men catching a ride into the future
on a vessel more lasting than themselves.

And you have not read Joshua Reynolds,
they say, until you have read him
enwreathed with Blake's furious scribbling.

Yet the one I think of most often,
the one that dangles from me like a locket,
was written in the copy of Catcher in the Rye
I borrowed from the local library
one slow, hot summer.
I was just beginning high school then,
reading books on a davenport in my parents' living room,
and I cannot tell you
how vastly my loneliness was deepened,
how poignant and amplified the world before me seemed,
when I found on one page

A few greasy looking smears
and next to them, written in soft pencil-
by a beautiful girl, I could tell,
whom I would never meet-
"Pardon the egg salad stains, but I'm in love."

- Billy Collins

Customer Loyalty

Do brothels issue customer loyalty cards? What would they look like?

yo ho ho, a pirate's life for me

Several times I've been asked what I intend to do when this degree is finished. Usually folks here are kinda surprised to hear that I am doing an MA but not a DPhil. I want to ask them if they've never heard of the pleasure of learning, and doing something for the hell of it. Alright, that's not fair. If you didn't take pleasure in learning, you wouldn't be here - because there's a HELL of a lot of that going on.

Other times they ask me what I intend to do, if not a DPhil. The other day I met someone, and told this person that I intend to do something fashion related. Learn to make some clothes - because I've wanted to do that for a long time. This person then asked me where I intend to do that. I said Toronto, because I miss home. Then this person asked why Toronto? Isn't there only about, like, three places in the world to study fashion?

I didn't really know what he meant. But I took it to mean that if you want to study fashion, then it's New York, Paris or Milan. I could laugh my ass off at that. Again, I reiterate: I'm not sure if this is what he meant. But in my mind it seems that he is just so used to be the best at everything that he can't imagine doing something somewhere that isn't the best place for it.

This, ladies and gentleman, is not what I have in mind.

Stupidly competitive as I am with myself and others in my head I don't think that being the best at something matters a whole lot to me anymore. I still have the tendency to compare myself to others - but coming to Oxford has made me realize that being the best simply isn't worth it, in my opinion. At least not for someone like me. There's alot of clever people out there in the world - and you'll have to get up pretty early every day (proverbially) to keep up with them. I think the strain of that would do me in. I hope those people who are the best at things find their lives not too stressful, and quite satisfying.

For me, I just don't think that the satisfaction and the reward would be recompense enough for the hard work, that is all. I ask again - where was Do-nothing in Piers Plowman? What's with all this striving business? I think I can get on and make a pretty satisfying life for myself without being under the strain of having to do Do-well, Do-better, or Do-best.

Instead, I'll do whatever the hell I feel like. At least some of the time. Without worrying about if I've 'achieved my full potential' or some such crap. I say, old friend, what really matters is that I am happy.

So if you are reading this, don't bother asking me what I'll do after I graduate. You know my reply: Yo ho ho, a pirate's life for me.

Laughter is the best medicine

Lots of people around these parts are dropping like flies. Flu, mumps, you name it. They say laughter's the best medicine, so here's some preventative (hopefully) meds for everyone.

"How the First Helandman of God was Maid of ane Hors Turd in Argyle"

God and Sanct Peter was gangand be the way
Heiche up in Argyle quhair thair gait lay
Sanct Peter said to God in a sport word
Can ye no mak a helandman of this hors turd
God turnd owre the hors turd wi his pykit staff
An up start the helandman as black as ony draff
Qwod God to the helandman quhair wilt thow now
I will doun to the lawland lord and thair steal a kow
And thou steal a kow carle thair thay will hang the
Quattrick lord of that for anis mon I die
God than he lewch and owre the dyke lap
And owt of his scheith his gowly owtgatt
Sanct Peter socht this gowly fast up an doun
Yit could not find it in all the braid rown
Now qwod God heir a marvell how can this be
That I suld want my gowly an we heir but thre
Humff qwod the helandman an turnd him abowt
An at his plaid neuk the gowly fell owt
Fy qwod Sanct Peter thow will nevir do weill
And thow but new maid sa sone gais to steill
Umff qwod the helandman an swere be yon kirk
Sa lang as I may geir gett to steill will I nevir wirk

- Anon., from the Bannatyne MS (c. 1568)

Lauch Whan Ye Can

"Lauch when ye can"
Said the puddock to the taed:
"For the fairest days are flichty
And we're a lang time daed."

"Hey" sech'd the taed,
Wi a wiggle o his pow:
"I've juist buried my guid-brither
And I'm gey wae the now."

"Come awa man,
Fash nae mair for what has been:
Let's mak merry wi the livin
Sae lang's our luck is in."

Juist as he spak
He was trod on by a coo.
"May the Lord forgie me, puddock,
I'm lauchin herty noo."

- William Soutar

I'm actually working on the first poem as part of my C essay. So if anyone's got any insights, do share!

People & Planet

My friend Louise works for a charitable organization called People & Planet, a student action group on world poverty, human rights, and the environment. She recently sent out an email publicizing some ways we can help P&P by doing not very much at all - so take note, everyone!

Louise says:

People & Planet have a deal with Amazon wherby if you shop through our link we get 5% of what you spend. Free money...happy days! So if you're buying any Christmas pressies off Amazon this year please do so via:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/b?ie=UTF8&node=266239

You could save this link in your bookmarks. Remember: if you want to open new Amazon windows as you search, do it via this link in order for us to get the cash.

Also, from 1 December any donations made to P&P will be matched by the Reed Foundation. So if you've ever vaguely wondered about giving a fiver to People & Planet then do it this way and we'll get a tenner (plus gift aid)! More free money! Donations need to come via:
http://www.thebiggive.org.uk/charity.php?charity_id=4557

Geekery

Sometimes people I know come up with amazingly geeky things, and it makes me feel so much better about being a bit geeky on occasion. Here's something that Ruth came up with, which I loved. In primary and secondary school I used to hate assessments based on 'creativity' - because I felt like it wasn't really a viable component for fair judgement. Now I wish there were more creative things in the course, preferably involving cutting & pasting, and a good lot of crayons.

Total Disgrace at the End of Week 6

So I suggested that we all bring some wine to the last course A seminar (which I was happy to see the back of). Naturally everyone takes to the idea enthusiastically. I then suggest that we all drink whenever the word "manuscript" (or ms) is used. Some were pretty game, and having suggested it, I could hardly back down.

After explaining to everyone (in the context of the Katherine Group) that I was an early convert to fornication, I suggested that we all retire to the common room to finish off the wine. It was probably a little bit over ambitious.

The long and short of it is that I woke up in my bed later that evening, having spewed on Topher's side. Strategic to the last.

Saturday I spent gradually recovering from my hang over, which was not too bad, all thing considered. If you get drunk early enough in the evening, by morning time the hang over will have washed over you whilst you slept.

Today I again failed to get any work done. 2 days of not working at Oxford is pretty radical. There was rain earlier in the day and then the sun came out. We bundled up and went for a walk by the Isis, and fed the ducks. I wore my riding boots, which double as wellies, and walked through many puddles. We saw rowers, who didn't look like they were enjoying themselves.

I'm meeting with Rebecca later on to do some work... but right now I am thinking about what to cook for dinner...

I remember a time when I didn't work in the library every day...

p.s. Do-well, Do-better, and Do-best are three characters from Piers Plowman. What I want to know is: where is Do-nothing?

Away with me

Right now I am in the Bodleian library trying to churn up some kind of outline for my C essay, so I can give it into Sally for some feedback. This will be good, obviously - except the catch that I have to come up with the thing first. Hahaha... There's so many ideas, and I've done a lot of reading. I'm just evading actually trying to put them together in a coherent way. Bold headings 'femininity,' 'laughter,' 'literature as recreation,' etc. are running loose and refusing to stay where I put them.

So I turn on my Google Reader and look at some blogs instead. One blogger blogged (yesterday) about how it's Friday and a good day and she is joyful because she is going to go and finish a photoshoot.

I am green with envy.

So who thinks I should throw my notes down the drain and run away with the circus, mmm? Or just run home to Toronto, and spend all my time on frivolous pretty things?

I stopped and picked up some golden ginko leaves from just outside Keble. There's a tremendous amount of beauty everywhere in Oxford. I just wish I had time to appreciate and document it all properly...

Here's a little excerpt from my email to my college supervisor. I reckon it'll be a good way for you to be caught up with how I'm feeling at the mo'.

...You are right in pointing out that I may be suffering premature despair, though I tend to think of it as commitment phobia. I guess looking back now, my four years of undergraduate studies was like falling in love with the Middle Ages. Everything went well and I was fascinated and intrigued and really wanted to find out more - time spent with my studies felt like they went by really fast, and everything was rewarding. In comparison graduate studies is like moving in with the person. All of a sudden we are spending ALL our time together - and this person is expecting devotion and commitment on a level which I had thought was what I wanted - but turns out to be a bit scary. Things start to get kind of guilt-trippy too - I imagine my 'partner' saying things like 'So, where were you today? 'Cos I was waiting for you at the library...' (baleful silence ensues). When I think of quitting this degree, this person says 'But don't you love me any more?' and of course I say 'No no no, I still find you really interesting and everything....' (but not with quite enough conviction).

Then 'All Along the Watch Tower' comes on.

Do we all know 'All Along the Watch Tower'? It beings 'There must be some kind of way out of here, said the Joker to the Fiend. There's to much confusion...etc.'

This, then, is where I'm at. But let's face it, things aren't all that bad. It could all be worse. I could have PAID to do this - but I didn't. Let's just sit back, and contemplate the silver lining, eh? (literally the silver lining in my case - or rather, lined with pounds sterling).

Ordinary Lives and Extraordinary Verse

Sometimes I search for things on Google and end up getting very unexpected results. It would be like plunging my hand into a sandbank looking for a pebble and coming up with a pretty bit of polished glass. I know I could make the analogy more fancy - and say that it's like finding a bit of gold - but this one thing I found is definitely beach glass. It has that kind of feel to it.

It's from a blog called The Conceptual Oyster. Enjoy.

conceptual oyster: a poem about us?

Dream Come True

I am now a shop owner! Thanks to hours and hours of hard work mainly done by Topher (who kindly photographed every item in my shop), and a pile of unfinished course stuff, my etsy shop is now up and running.

Please come and buy something at Show & Tell Vintage!

Lulu

Here's a photo of my cousin Lulu, who's all dolled up for cosplay. Isn't she a cupcake?