Sometimes I get very anxious about not being good enough. Since I came back from holidays there's been a sharp decline in class attendance. There could be any variety of reasons (one week it was Chinese Valentines Day; I'm teaching Al & Leon which is not my own choreo so ppl can just easy easy learn it online; I no longer run the Thursday practice groups or the monthly social so there's less promotion; I have been away from the core scene too long so people don't know me as well etc.) but of course I immediately take that as a sure sign that I'm not good.
When I stop and compare I always look at those people who I perceive to be doing better than me and a sense of dread comes over me and I feel like an imposter. I forget though that there are also those who don't do as well as me. There are also those who don't even try because they think they wouldn't get anywhere - and up until I decided to give myself this year of doing everything I wanted to do in dancing, I was one of those people.
I never tried to make it my thing because I feared that I wouldn't be good enough. But how would I know if I've not tried. I told myself I would just try and try for a year, and not evaluate myself until the end, because sometimes, when I'm not something, it just means I'm in the process of becoming something, and it's pointless to beat myself up during that process.
And also when I compare myself to others I must remember that many people devoted themselves to their thing for much longer than I have. My year isn't even out yet, and really how could a year of working hard at something be long enough to really make a difference?
As ever I have more questions than I have answers.
Recently I started DJing at Roxy J. The first two times dancers came out. The third time no dancers came. I wonder if I should interpret that as a personal failure on my part. I used to imagine "what if no one came to my classes"? And then I'd think - that's ok, I'll just use that time to practice. Then I'd imagine "what if no one came when I DJ?" I guess that's happened already. Except, um, the place was actually quite busy they just weren't dancers so I'm not sure what I want or if that counts as a fail. But the point is maybe this is a good time to think about what these things (DJing/Teaching) really mean to me, and what the minimum return would have to be in order for me to be content.
Again that's something I don't have an answer for at the moment.
But here's something I saw the other day which I like:
Living means taking chances and coping with the fear and possibility of failure. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So when the fear really gets to me I just tell myself to grow some balls (or something like that).
Good morning world. Today I can't sleep for being anxious.
When I stop and compare I always look at those people who I perceive to be doing better than me and a sense of dread comes over me and I feel like an imposter. I forget though that there are also those who don't do as well as me. There are also those who don't even try because they think they wouldn't get anywhere - and up until I decided to give myself this year of doing everything I wanted to do in dancing, I was one of those people.
I never tried to make it my thing because I feared that I wouldn't be good enough. But how would I know if I've not tried. I told myself I would just try and try for a year, and not evaluate myself until the end, because sometimes, when I'm not something, it just means I'm in the process of becoming something, and it's pointless to beat myself up during that process.
And also when I compare myself to others I must remember that many people devoted themselves to their thing for much longer than I have. My year isn't even out yet, and really how could a year of working hard at something be long enough to really make a difference?
As ever I have more questions than I have answers.
Recently I started DJing at Roxy J. The first two times dancers came out. The third time no dancers came. I wonder if I should interpret that as a personal failure on my part. I used to imagine "what if no one came to my classes"? And then I'd think - that's ok, I'll just use that time to practice. Then I'd imagine "what if no one came when I DJ?" I guess that's happened already. Except, um, the place was actually quite busy they just weren't dancers so I'm not sure what I want or if that counts as a fail. But the point is maybe this is a good time to think about what these things (DJing/Teaching) really mean to me, and what the minimum return would have to be in order for me to be content.
Again that's something I don't have an answer for at the moment.
But here's something I saw the other day which I like:
Living means taking chances and coping with the fear and possibility of failure. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So when the fear really gets to me I just tell myself to grow some balls (or something like that).
Good morning world. Today I can't sleep for being anxious.
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