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Saturday, 24 January 2015

capacities

This is a little embarrassing to admit but I used to have trouble making friends because I found it hard to share my experiences as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. This was a problem because it used to define a large part of who I am and I felt that if they didn't know this one thing about me, and couldn't share my pain, then we weren't really friends. Furthermore, I felt that I wasn't (and couldn't) really being genuinely myself with anyone, because such an important part of my make-up had to remain hidden.

Later on I realized that most people make friends by sharing some laughs FIRST, before moving on to the heavy stuff. Similarly, I have (in the past) been so caught up with how to survive that I forgot how to live. Now I try to remember that it's my capacity for joy that defines who I am, not my ability to take any amount of beating and get up again (though that has also at times come in handy). 

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