Week 0

Week 0 - otherwise known as Naughth Week. When you get to find out that your college/faculty has failed to communicate something to you, or that when they do, it has been communicated in the most confusing way possible.

There's a lot to get to grips with. Oxford is an mysterious and somewhat exotic place. During Week 0, or Fresher's Week, there's the usual kind of thing you'd expect from any University, I suppose. But it must be quite different for undergrads as opposed to graduates. For one, I wasn't invited to any pub crawls.

I did, however, receive more 'guidance' in week 0 than I had in the last 10 years of my life. I was assigned a college advisor/moral tutor - not for my morals, thank God, but for welfare issues. I had talks with the college nurse who assured me that should I have any troubles of any sort I really ought to go see her at any point. I had introduction sessions from the college where we were welcomed, warned not to walk on the grass (!), and told that should anything go wrong we should approach an array of various people, senior tutor for graduates, junior deans, chaplain, etc. I have a mentor from the department, a supervisor from the department, and two people from the Middle Common Room (MCR) who are my 'parents.' I have also received numerous emails telling me over and over that should I be in financial difficulty I can apply for the Keble College hardship fund.

With so many people offering to help out I almost feel bad for not coming up with some kind of difficulty. Alas - no one has offered to do my work for me yet, which is really all the help I'll need. Where were all these helpful bodies when I was a teenager. I needed alot more help then.

Interesting items from Week 0 include:

Drinks before college welcome dinner. We gathered in a new building at the college and guzzled free wine (or juice). We all had to turn out in our academic gowns. They're just black drapes of polyester, really. There's alot of different types - no doubt each with different signifiances. I only know that students wear 2 types: commoners' gown (not on scholarship) or scholars' gowns (scholarship). There's several shops in Oxford that cater to our gown requirements. I dropped by one of these (on Broad st.) and picked up my scholars' gown.

It was fun, cycling a break neck speed from Cowley to Keble in my academic gown, over one of my vintage dresses, to attend the pre-dinner drinks. That thing really billows when you're going at speed.

At dinner we were seated according to our faculty/research interest. So I found myself surrounded by other medieval folk - my 'moral tutor' on my left and the graduate administrator on my right. Luckily they both turned out to be fun people to talk to - that one thing that stuck in my mind was talking about food wastage, and my daggy habit of finishing food for strangers in public places (I ask, 'are you gonna eat that?' and if the answer is negative, then I eat it for them). This did end up with me finishing both the main course and desert for my 'moral tutor' - just as the Warden of the college got up for her speech and said that she hopes we've all met our 'moral tutors' and are getting along.

So, no problems in the getting along aspect, I think.

I also hung out a bit at the MCR. There's the Junior Common Room (JCR) for undergards, the Middle (MCR) for us, and Senior, for, well, people more important tha us graduates. The MCR is two big rooms - well provided for, really. Kitchen area with a dishwasher (officially making it better kitted out than my house). Fridges with drinks we can buy at a discounted rate, chocolates and crisps as well, Wii and other games, computers, a pool table, television. In short, everything you could want in a room for hanging out. Events include: Ladies Tea, Saturday Brunch, Sunday Tea, Games Night, Take-out Night - all free of charge (MCR is subsidized by the college).

I took my apple mousse to take-out night, and it was indeed well received. In return I carried away the extra rice that the MCR got from Hall. That's, er, rice enough to serve about 40 people. I had to carry it away in 2 lots - Toph came round on his bike so we could load as much as we can into his rucksack, in convenient plastic containers which originally held Chinese take-away. I now am so stocked with rice I won't have to cook any for months.

Food wastage is pretty incredible. If I didn't take it, it would eventually have be chucked.

I got to grips with the Bodleian library (Bod, or Bodley). There's only ONE ladies' loo, near the ground floor. It's a LONG walk from the Upper Reading Room where I do my work. 15 percent of Bodley's books are on site. The rest about 8 miles out of town, and others under salt-flats in Cheshire. Depending on the location of the books, calling them out from stacks can take anywhere from 3 hours to 8 days. Hm - that's really quite shocking. There's no lockers - so bags can be chained, so they cannot be removed. That's, however, no guarantee that someone won't go into your bag. In practice you should carry all valuables in a transparent plastic bag at all times. But really the only place where you can't take your bags is the Duke Humphrey Library, for rare books and manuscripts. It's a pretty amazing place - I doubt I'm allowed to get photos of it... Makes you feel like a real scholar though, going in there to consult. Oh, no cafe, or even just a room where you can have a cup of tea or eat your lunch - so packing a lunch is a bad idea in the winter unless you want to sit outside in the cold (and poss. rain) or eat it surreptiously at Cafe Nero in Blackwell's across the road.

The search systems of the catalogues are absolutely abominable. They still use telnet for certain functions.

Each college also has its own considerable library. Not good for all things, but benefit is 24 hour openings, and loans for an entire term. I have a stcak from the Keble College library already.

There is very little wireless internet access. Partially because walls are thick - but I suspect also because they just haven't got their shit together. Hm.

Dinner at the Keble Dining Hall is formal on every day of the week save Saturdays. This means eating dinner requires the wearing of your gown. Lunch and Breakfast are informal, and doesn't require advance booking. Meals are subsidized if you are a student, but not if you're a guest. Dinner is from about 3.50 to 4.50 for 2 or 3 courses.

Food is pretty dire. Veg & Meat over cooked, potatoes undercooked. Everything either soggy or dry.

Lastly there was Friday of Week 0, when Topher and I met at Keble. I had noticed wine grapes growing (ornamentally) on the outside of several buildings. I asked a gardener (I assume he was a gardener since he was raking leaves), if I could have some. He happily said I could have as much as I like. Toph stood his ground and held the plastic bag as I stood on his shoulders with one arm against the wall and the other arm plucking bunches of grapes from the vine. We did one side of a building as people walked by, trying to look disinterested at the sight. Meanwhile the other building, with the most amount of grapes, was surrounded by workmen putting up scaffolding. We asked if we were allowed to climb the scaffolding, and one of them said that the answer is "strictly no" - but added that since it was Friday afternoon, he's leaving, and what happens after he leaves is really not his problem.

The scaffolding turned out to be at just the right height for the grapes. We cycled away with about 2-3 kgs.

I am harbouring a secret wish: that the immaculate lawns at Keble will one day turn into an organic farm, to supply the dining hall. That the college will adopt a piglet, which will be fed scraps from hall - and we can celebrate end of year with an almighty hog roast. Except if we were allowed to feed the piglet, we'd probably not have the heart to eat it.

College aside, there's my own life. The Saturday morning farmers' market in Cowley, picking apples from our garden (East Oxford used to be an apple orchard - the trees are older than the houses!) Cycling along, trying to avoid being hit by buses/white vans. Finding the Dodgy Deli where alcohol from around the world can be purchased at drastically reduced rates, if you don't mind the fact that they are out of date.

Oh - and trying to get my shop on the road. Photographing things and generally not doing as much for that as I hope I would.

But let's be honest - I don't have time to even have a quality wank these days, and it's only week 1. I suspect it's only going to get worse.