It wasn't so much that...

I wanted to die. It's just that 那時候的生活就像一個詭異的遊戲。規則都是已經定好了，怎麼玩我都是輸家，那何必繼續？

I want to tell you that once when the airplane was in the air I knew that it would make no difference to me if we all died in a crash.

但是後來就不一樣了。Everything changes. 所以不管怎麼樣都要好好的活下去。