Wednesday, 1 December 2010

odds & ends

My worst nightmare is to not be able to sleep, or not be able to sleep well.
I like poems about sleep, like Auden's 'Lullaby'.

I don't like team sports because I can't handle the pressure of not letting my team-mates down. Once I rowed for the mighty Kebelles and it really put my ability to be part of a team to the test. I'm glad I did it.

When I was a teenager in Toronto I went to a Catholic high school. It was (overall) a positive experience, despite my agnosticism. I still have my uniform and wear it on occasion (sometimes for parties or my birthday). I'm glad I still fit into it.

In life-drawing classes I enjoy drawing female models more than male models. I like the nape of the neck and tend to enlarge and over-exaggerate bottoms because I love the way they look.

I like pleats of fabric and the fragility of old things.

I worry about doing the right things. I'm very concerned about staying consistent to my own principles.

I enjoy conversations before sleep and languid mornings in bed. I prefer a bed that smells like the person who sleeps in it to a bed that is freshly made.

One thing that's been on my mind is how to (proactively) become the person I want to be. I am trying to discover what I like and don't like about myself, and for the dislikes, what I can and can't change. If I can change, I'll try. If I can't change, I'll try to make peace with that.

I am fortunate in that I enjoy the intimate friendship of my many (minor) vices, to the point that I am not even sure they are vices as such.

Patience is a big problem right now. I pray to God to grant me forbearance but until he does I pray to him to grant me a superabundance of obscenities, which he has been generous enough to provide.

So at the end of the day there are many things for which to be thankful.