The year in review

Taipei 101 does an annual new year's eve fireworks show (for those of you who don't know, Taipei 101 is/was one of the tallest buildings in the world) - apparently it's something to behold. I saw it from my balcony just now, and it did look like... well, impressive... but as all the fireworks were coming out of the building, it could also be imagined as an explosion. Almost like someone had nuked the thing and it is exploding in spectacular colours.

There are some people who don't get to stop and celebrate. I came quite close to being one of them this year, since I took on a job at a paper. No matter what happens, there's always gotta be a paper tomorrow - consequently we don't ever have days off all at once. Of course we take turns going on holiday and stuff, but I opted to work on Christmas and New Year's Eve and New Year's day, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my boyfriend isn't here. I thought the people in my department deserve to have those days off more, seeing as they will be celebrating it with someone. Second, I just started this job, and it seems like a good thing to do, help others out and show that I'm committed and hard-working etc. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, this entitles me to 3 days off whenever I feel like it. I'll take 3 days to spend with Toph when he comes over on the 17th.

So I went to work today, and it was unexpectedly busy. I had a good time though, since I caught other people making mistakes for a change. Thing is, I've been making a lot of stupid mistakes recently (The Taipei Times Village Idiot), and catching others at it makes me feel marginally less dim witted. Ted and Anna (and others) had issued invitations to New Year activities. I was undecided until I saw the masses of people packed around the Taipei 101 area. This is where I saw the other people who will be working through the night. The Metro system will be running non-stop this year to accommodate the crush. At 10:30 pm, the roads were already heavily laden with traffic, and the MRT was almost impossible. Leaving the area was, but going there was simply a jam of limbs and heads and more trying to pile onto every train. There were staff in neon jackets with loudspeakers everywhere, directing pedestrian traffic. I saw empty buses lined up on the side of roads with blue placards "New Year's Eve Special Bus" in the front window, their drivers smoking together on the pavement. At Taipei Main Station the crowd was so dense it looked as though it should be immovable, but I saw families with small children cheerfully weaving through the masses of bodies. Luckily, as I was going out of the action, traffic was smooth all the way home. The bus from Ximen to the flat was almost empty (practically unheard of on any other night). Of course after the fireworks the traffic stream will be reversed. The city had already made plans and closed off nearby areas. It will be interesting to read reports of whether people were evacuated smoothly afterwards.

Needless to say I didn't go to Ted's party or watch fireworks at 101 with Anna. It seemed like too much trouble to get home afterwards. Besides, I have work tomorrow. I think that making a good start in the new year is more important than partying at the end of the old one, I guess. I will wake up at a reasonable hour tomorrow, and do yoga.

Speaking of parties though, I've always thought these things are a bit of a catch 22. If I don't get invited to any, I feel like nobody loves me. If I do get invited to any, then I don't feel like it's necessary to go any more, since I know that I am loved. That's putting it pretty crudely, and it's only one side of it. The other side is that I always feel an obligation to be sociable, and a pressure to conform to some inner expectation or live up to a standard of some kind. I'm not sure when this began as I can distinctly remember spending extensive amounts of time quite happily by myself as a child. Now if I am alone on a weekend evening I begin to wonder whether if I ought not to be alone - and a sense of inadequacy ensues because I should be doing something fun. Occasionally though I go out to things that I expected to enjoy and I get the feeling that I am surrounded by people who are trying to have FUN because they think they ought to, not because they really are enjoying themselves - and there's nothing worse. Of course, that could just be my perception - funny how I usually get this feeling when I'm in a crowd of people apparently enjoying what I think is a very, very bad performance of some kind.

I digress.

What I am trying to say is: I opted out of the socializing tonight and came home. I made some food, and read Harry Potter (which I always pick up and read at random when I am relaxing, especially eating). I did the laundry, and watched the fireworks from afar as I hung clothes up to dry. Then I had a hot shower and I was thinking about the new years that I could and couldn't remember.

In 1st year I was alone, depressed, and ill. The flat was quiet as everyone had gone out to Hogmanay celebrations (fireworks) on Prince's street. I heard screams at midnight, and then there was knocking at the front door. I put on my robe and went to answer. A bunch of neighbours were standing outside, and as soon as I opened the door, they all shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" - I told them to fuck off and slammed the door in their face. Actually, I probably said happy new year cordially enough while wishing they would go away and let me sleep.

In my 2nd year at uni I spent new year at home in Toronto. There was a dance party on the lakeside. I taught a dance class with a friend, and met some people there that night who are still my friends now. A good time was had - because it was new year, but because I was dancing. I remember doing the count-down and feeling distinctly silly. Why is the revolution of a calendar year worth celebrating? I've always wondered. We don't celebrate the end of weeks, after all. Perhaps because it's the biggest unit which comes round at a reasonable enough pace for us to appreciate?

In my 3rd year I spent new year at home in Taiwan, in Kenting, on the souther tip. The weather was balmy and beautiful. The night before I bought sandals and two summer dresses. The night of, I went to bed early. The morning of the 1st of January was beautiful and bright. I went and had a good swim at the hotel pool (a very luxurious hotel from what I recall), feeling fresh and happy to have made a good healthy start.

In my 4th year I spent new year's eve on Yakushima with Toph, Alex, Laurent, and Mari. We had a big dinner at the station, followed by much alcohol and chat. I seem to remember getting into debates about the nature of anarchy, and about David Hume (I think we later gave a copy of "Sophie's World" to Alex). At midnight, Mari made us noodles, apparently a traditional Japanese way of celebrating. I remember mochi and oranges and new year's decoration everywhere on the island. That night Toph and I had an interesting walk home, where I out ran him for the first (and possibly the last) time. He had a very sore head the next day.

And exactly a year later, I'm writing this blog in Taipei.

Newspapers often do "The Year In Review" to recapitulate all the goings on of the last 365 days.

This year I...
Showed Topher Taiwan for the first time, and decided to come back here.
Slaved away on my dissertation for many hours at the library, to the point of misreading the title of a book "Death, Dissertation, and the Destitute" (actually "Death, Dissection, and the Destitute")
Got a radio from Toph for my birthday, and began my radio life as a devout listener of BBC.
Celebrated the anniversary of our relationship.
Went off caffeine.
Saw my favourite vintage clothing shop (and the place I worked for years) retire.
Met someone at a party who said that he likes Elizabethan folk songs - and became instant friends.
Visited an organic farm and rode their tractor.
Trucked half way around the world to be with the person I love (though that's nothing new).
Went to an outdoor music festival and heartily detested almost every moment of it.
Graduated from university.
Brought my folks to meet his folks (!!!!).
Performed a strip tease for a cabaret night.
Went to Herrang and found most of it awful.
Travelled from Edinburgh to Sweden, Hungary, Romania, and Turkey, where I smoked for the first time since I was 6, and played backgammon.
Volunteered at the emergency room of a hospital.
Got my first full time job.
Started a swing scene in Taipei.
Started to do yoga.
Went to my first political demonstration.

It did occur to me that if I didn't go see the Taipei 101 fireworks show, I might regret it. But thinking back, I lived in Edinburgh for 4 years never having gone to see the Hogmanay fireworks, and lived a whole year within spitting distance from the castle without ever having gone in - never feeling like I had missed out on much. On the happy thought, goodnight, and happy new year.