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Saturday, 15 August 2026

I'm not crying YOU'RE crying

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

- Charles Bukowski

Class Traitors

I bought a copy of Down and Out in Paris and London for T while we were at the big bookstore in Bonn. It occurs to me that I often don't take the bother of jotting things down any more - just highlight stuff on Kindle. But it's a good habit and taking the time to type it out is basically reading it again carefully. So here's some bits. 

Also today I felt a bout of anxiety when I woke up and sometimes having the voice of someone else (George Orwell) in my head for a while damps down my own thoughts. 

... 

This put an end to my plans of looking for work. I had now got to live at the rate of about six francs a day, and from the start it was too difficult to leave much thought for anything else. It was now that my experiences of poverty began - for six francs a day, if not actual poverty, is on the fringe of it. Six francs is a shilling, and you can live on a shilling a day in Paris if you know how. But it is a complicated business. 

It is altogether curious, your first contact with poverty. You have thought so much about poverty - it is the thing you have feared all your life, the thing you knew would happen to you sooner or later; and it is all so utterly and prosaically different. You thought it would be quite simple; it is extraordinarily complicated. You thought it would be terrible; it is merely squalid and boring. It is the peculiar lowness of poverty that you discover first; the shifts that it puts you to, the complicated meanness, the crust-wiping. 

... you have got to pretend that you are living quite as usual. From the start it tangles you in a net of lies, and even with the lies you can hardly manage it. You stop sending clothes to the laundry, and the laundress catches you in the street and asks you why; you mumble something, and she, thinking you are sending the clothes elsewhere, is your enemy for life... meals are the worst difficult of all. Every day at meal-times you go out ostensibly to a restaurant, and loaf an hour in the Luxembourg Gardens, watching the pidgeons. Afterwards you smuggle your food home in your pockets. Your food is bread and margarine, or bread and wine, and even the nature of the food is governed by lies. You have to buy rye bread instead of household bread, because the rye loaves, though dearer, are round and can be smuggled in your pockets...Sometimes, to keep up appearances, you have to spend sixty centimes on a drink, and go correspondingly short of food...  All day you are telling lies, and expensive lies. 

... never be sorry for  a waiter... He is not thinking as he looks at you, "What an overfed lout"; he is thinking, "One day, when I have saved enough money, I shall be able to imitate that man." He is ministering to a kind of pleasure he thoroughly understands and admires. And that is why waiters are seldom Socialists... They are snobs, and they find the servile nature of their work rather congenial.

The plongeurs, again, have a different outlook... They have no way of escaping from this life, for they cannot save a penny from their wages, and working from sixty to a hundred hours a week leaves them no time to train for anything else... And yet the plongeurs, low as they are, also have a kind of pride. It is the pride of the drudge - the man who is equal to no matter what quantity of work... Débrouillard  is what every plongeur wants to be called. A débrouillard is a man who, even when he is to do the impossible, will se débrouiller - get it done somehow. One of the kitchen plongeurs at Hotel X, a German, was well known as a débrouillard. One night an English lord came to the hotel, and the waiters were in despair, for the lor had asked for peaches, and there were none in stock; it was late at night, and the shops would be shut. "Leave it to me," said the German. He went out, and in ten minutes he was back with four peaches. He had gone into a neighbouring restaurant and stolen them. 

... why does this slavery continue? People have a way of taking it for granted that all work is done for a sound purpose. They see somebody must work in the sewers. And similarly with a plongeur's work. Some people must feed in restaurants, and so other people must swab dishes for eighty hours a week. It is the work of civilisation, therefore unquestionable. This point is worth considering. 

... We have a vague feeling that it must be "honest" work, because it is hard and disagreeable, and we have made  a sort of fetish of manual work. We see a man cutting down a tree, and we make sure that he is filling a social need, just because he uses his muscles; it does not occur to us that he may only be cutting down a beautiful tree to make room for a hideous statue. 

It is worth saying something about the social position of beggars, for when one has consorted with them, and found that they are ordinary human beings, one cannot help being struck by the curious attitude that society takes towards them. People seem to feel that there is some essential difference between beggars and ordinary "working" men. They are a race apart - outcasts, like criminals and prostitutes.... Yet if one looks closely one sees that there is no essential difference between a beggar's livelihood and that of numberless respectable people... Why are beggars despised? ... I believe it is for the simple reason that they fail to earn a decent living. IN practice nobody cares whether work is useful or useless, productive or parasitic; they sole thing demanded is that it shall be profitable.... what meaning is there except "Get money, get it legall, and get a lot of it"? Money has become the grand test of virtue... If one could earn even ten pounds a week at begging, it would become a respectable profession immediately... He has not, more than most modern people, sold his honour; he has merely made the mistake of choosing a trade at which it is impossible to grow rich. 

The whole business of swearing... is mysterious... as irrational as magic... Our intention in swearing is to shock and wound, which we do by mentioning in something that should be kept secret - usually something to do with the sexual functions. But the strange thing is that when a word is well established as a swear word, it seems to lose its original meaning; that is, it loses the thing that made it into a swear word... 

... an illiterate man, with the work habit in his bones, needs work even more than he needs money. An educated man can put up with enforced idleness, which is one of the worst evils of poverty... That is why it is such nonsense to pretend that those who have "come down in the world" are to be pitied above all others. The man who really merits pity is the man who has been down from the start, and faces poverty with a blank, resourceless mind. 

Wednesday, 15 July 2026

I will make a hero out of you

I want to write a poem for the women on Long Island who smoke cigarettes in their SUVs with the windows rolled up before walking into yoga
Who hack and curse in downward dog
and Deborah
from the next block over who has strong opinions about Christmas lights after New Year’s
says that her body isn’t what it used to be
but neither is the economy or the bagels at Rickman’s Deli so who really cares
And during shavasana
she brings up the rabbi’s daughter who got an abortion last spring
and Candy in the corner calls Deborah hateful
and the class takes a sharp inhale in through the nose then out through the mouth
and after class
after Candy rushes home to check the lasagna
Deborah lights up a smoke and calls her friend Tammy

“So then the girl calls me ‘hateful’
hateful can you believe it
what a word
some kind of dictionary bitch over here
so ya know what I says? I says ‘you don’t know the first thing about hateful
ya wanna know what’s hateful?
menopause.’ ”

And it doesn’t really matter if Deborah actually said that to Candy
which she didn’t
because Tammy is so caught up that Candy called Deborah “hateful”
which she did
that next week when Tammy runs into Candy while shopping in Rockville Center
and Candy asks Tammy how she’s doing
Tammy will adjust the purse strap on her shoulder and say, “We all have a little coal in our stocking, Candy.”
And Candy will shuffle away
certain that Tammy knows something about her marriage that she shouldn’t and she doesn’t
she just loves Deborah
who has a lot of opinions
and had Candy given her the chance to finish her sentence
Deborah would have talked about the reproductive rights march she went to in the 60s
and the counterproductive sex-shaming methods of organized religion
I want to write a poem for the women on Long Island whose words stretch and curl like bubblegum around the forefinger
Who ask if I have a boyfriend
and before I answer say “Don’t do it
don’t ever do it
Y’know my friend Linda she’s a lesbian
like a real lesbian
and whenever I go over there
She lives on Corona over by Merrick by the laundromat y’know what I’m talking about
Whenever I go over there and see her and her wife
What’s her name?
I can never remember the girl’s name
Anyway
whenever I go over there I says, “Ya know what I need?”
I says, “A girlfriend - that’s what I need”

The women on Long Island let their teenage daughters throw parties in the basement while they watch the Home Network upstairs and keep the bat by the couch in case anyone gets roofied
even if it’s their own son who did the drugging

The women on Long Island won’t put it past any man to be guilty
even their kin
who after all have their husbands’ hands and blood
And last week when a girl was murdered while jogging in Queens
the women on Long Island were unstartled and furious
They did not call to warn their daughters
They called their sons
sat them at the kitchen table and said
“If you ever
and I mean ever so much as make a woman feel uncomfortable
I will take you to the deli and put your hand in the meat slicer
you think I won’t?
You hear me?
I will make a hero out of you
with mayonnaise and tomatoes and dill and onions”
I want to write a poem
for the women on Long Island who
when I show them the knife I carry in my purse
tell me it’s not big enough
Who are waitresses and realtors and massage therapists and social workers and housewives
and tell me they wish they would have been artists
‘but life comes fast ya know?
One minute you’re taking typing classes for your new secretary job in the World Trade Center and the next it’s almost over
Life, I mean
but I kicked and screamed my way through it and so will you
I can tell by the way you walk’
One more thing - when they call you a “bitch,” say, “Thank you, thank you very much.”

- Olivia Gatwood

A Shropshire Lad

What, still alive at twenty-two,

A clean, upstanding chap like you?

Sure, if your throat 'tis hard to slit,

Slit your girl's, and swing for it.

.

Like enough, you won't be glad

When they come to hang you, lad:

But bacon's not the only thing

That's cured by hanging from a string.

.

So, when the spilt ink of the night

Spreads o'er the blotting-pad of light,

Lads whose job is still to do

Shall whet their knives, and think of you.

 - Hugh Kingsmill 

----

I never see that prettiest thing—
A cherry bough gone white with Spring—
But what I think, "How gay t'would be
To hang me from a flowering tree.

- Dorothy Parker

 Justus quidem tu es, Domine, si disputem tecum; verumtamen
justa loquar ad te: Quare via impiorum prosperatur? &c.

Thou art indeed just, Lord, if I contend
With thee; but, sir, so what I plead is just.
Why do sinners’ ways prosper? and why must
Disappointment all I endeavour end? 

Wert thou my enemy, O thou my friend,
How wouldst thou worse, I wonder, than thou dost
Defeat, thwart me? Oh, the sots and thralls of lust
Do in spare hours more thrive than I that spend, 

Sir, life upon thy cause. See, banks and brakes
Now, leavèd how thick! lacèd they are again
With fretty chervil, look, and fresh wind shakes
Them; birds build—but not I build; no, but strain,
Time’s eunuch, and not breed one work that wakes.
Mine, O thou lord of life, send my roots rain.

- GM Hopkins

 I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.


What hours, O what black hours we have spent 

This night! what sights you, heart, saw; ways you went! 

And more must, in yet longer light's delay. 

With witness I speak this. But where I say 

Hours I mean years, mean life. And my lament 

Is cries countless, cries like dead letters sent 

To dearest him that lives alas! away. 


I am gall, I am heartburn. God's most deep decree 

Bitter would have me taste: my taste was me; 

Bones built in me, flesh filled, blood brimmed the curse. 


Selfyeast of spirit a dull dough sours. I see 

The lost are like this, and their scourge to be 

As I am mine, their sweating selves; but worse. 


-GM Hopkins

My own heart let me more have pity on; let
Me live to my sad self hereafter kind,
Charitable; not live this tormented mind
With this tormented mind tormenting yet.

I cast for comfort I can no more get
By groping round my comfortless, than blind
Eyes in their dark can day or thirst can find
Thirst's all-in-all in all a world of wet.

Soul, self; come, poor Jackself, I do advise
You, jaded, lét be; call off thoughts awhile
Elsewhere; leave comfort root-room; let joy size
 
At God knows when to God knows what; whose smile
'S not wrung, see you; unforeseen times rather—as skies
Betweenpie mountains—lights a lovely mile.

- GM Hopkins

Do trousers matter?

i thank You God for most this amazing

day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes


(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)


how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any—lifted from the no

of all nothing—human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?


(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)


e. e. cummings

Unless Master James

XVI

A HUMBLE REMONSTRANCE19

I

We have recently20 enjoyed a quite peculiar pleasure: hearing, in some detail, the opinions, about the art they practise, of Mr. Walter Besant and Mr. Henry James; two men certainly of very different calibre; Mr. James so precise of outline, so cunning of fence, so scrupulous of finish, and Mr. Besant so genial, so friendly, with so persuasive and humorous a vein of whim: Mr. James the very type of the deliberate artist, Mr. Besant the impersonation of good-nature. That such doctors should differ will excite no great surprise; but one point in which they seem to agree fills me, I confess, with wonder. For they are both content to talk about the “art of fiction”; and Mr. Besant, waxing exceedingly bold, goes on to oppose this so-called “art of fiction” to the “art of poetry.” By the art of poetry he can mean nothing but the art of verse, an art of handicraft, and only comparable with the art of prose. For that heat and height of sane emotion which we agree to call by the name of poetry, is but a libertine and vagrant quality; present, at times, in any art, more often absent from them all; too seldom present in the prose novel, too frequently absent from the ode and epic. Fiction is in the same case; it is no substantive art, but an element which enters largely into all the arts but architecture. Homer, Wordsworth, Phidias, Hogarth, and 149Salvini, all deal in fiction; and yet I do not suppose that either Hogarth or Salvini, to mention but these two, entered in any degree into the scope of Mr. Besant’s interesting lecture or Mr. James’s charming essay. The art of fiction, then, regarded as a definition, is both too ample and too scanty. Let me suggest another; let me suggest that what both Mr. James and Mr. Besant had in view was neither more nor less than the art of narrative.

But Mr. Besant is anxious to speak solely of “the modern English novel,” the stay and bread-winner of Mr. Mudie; and in the author of the most pleasing novel on that roll, “All Sorts and Conditions of Men,” the desire is natural enough. I can conceive then, that he would hasten to propose two additions, and read thus: the art of fictitious narrative in prose.

Now the fact of the existence of the modern English novel is not to be denied; materially, with its three volumes, leaded type, and gilded lettering, it is easily distinguishable from other forms of literature; but to talk at all fruitfully of any branch of art, it is needful to build our definitions on some more fundamental ground than binding. Why, then, are we to add “in prose”? “The Odyssey” appears to me the best of romances; “The Lady of the Lake” to stand high in the second order; and Chaucer’s tales and prologues to contain more of the matter and art of the modern English novel than the whole treasury of Mr. Mudie. Whether a narrative be written in blank verse or the Spenserian stanza, in the long period of Gibbon or the chipped phrase of Charles Reade, the principles of the art of narrative must be equally observed. The choice of a noble and swelling style in prose affects the problem of narration in the same way, if not to the same degree, as the choice of measured verse; for both imply a closer synthesis of events, a higher key of dialogue, and a more picked and stately strain of words. If you are to refuse “Don Juan,” it is hard to see why you should include “Zanoni” or (to bracket works of very different value) “The Scarlet 150Letter”; and by what discrimination are you to open your doors to “The Pilgrim’s Progress” and close them on “The Faery Queen”? To bring things closer home, I will here propound to Mr. Besant a conundrum. A narrative called “Paradise Lost” was written in English verse by one John Milton; what was it then? It was next translated by Chateaubriand into French prose; and what was it then? Lastly, the French translation was, by some inspired compatriot of George Gilfillan (and of mine), turned bodily into an English novel; and, in the name of clearness, what was it then?

But, once more, why should we add “fictitious”? The reason why is obvious. The reason why not, if something more recondite, does not want for weight. The art of narrative, in fact, is the same, whether it is applied to the selection and illustration of a real series of events or of an imaginary series. Boswell’s “Life of Johnson” (a work of cunning and inimitable art) owes its success to the same technical manœuvres as (let us say) “Tom Jones”: the clear conception of certain characters of man, the choice and presentation of certain incidents out of a great number that offered, and the invention (yes, invention) and preservation of a certain key in dialogue. In which these things are done with the more art—in which the greater air of nature—readers will differently judge. Boswell’s is, indeed, a very special case, and almost a generic; but it is not only in Boswell, it is in every biography with any salt of life, it is in every history where events and men, rather than ideas, are presented—in Tacitus, in Carlyle, in Michelet, in Macaulay—that the novelist will find many of his own methods most conspicuously and adroitly handled. He will find besides that he, who is free—who has the right to invent or steal a missing incident, who has the right, more precious still, of wholesale omission—is frequently defeated, and, with all his advantages, leaves a less strong impression of reality and passion. Mr. James utters his mind with a becoming fervour on the 151sanctity of truth to the novelist; on a more careful examination truth will seem a word of very debateable propriety, not only for the labours of the novelist, but for those of the historian. No art—to use the daring phrase of Mr. James—can successfully “compete with life”; and the art that seeks to do so is condemned to perish montibus aviis. Life goes before us, infinite in complication; attended by the most various and surprising meteors; appealing at once to the eye, to the ear, to the mind—the seat of wonder, to the touch—so thrillingly delicate, and to the belly—so imperious when starved. It combines and employs in its manifestation the method and material, not of one art only, but of all the arts. Music is but an arbitrary trifling with a few of life’s majestic chords; painting is but a shadow of its pageantry of light and colour; literature does but drily indicate that wealth of incident, of moral obligation, of virtue, vice, action, rapture, and agony, with which it teems. To “compete with life,” whose sun we cannot look upon, whose passions and diseases waste and slay us—to compete with the flavour of wine, the beauty of the dawn, the scorching of fire, the bitterness of death and separation—here is, indeed, a projected escalade of heaven; here are, indeed, labours for a Hercules in a dress coat, armed with a pen and a dictionary to depict the passions, armed with a tube of superior flake-white to paint the portrait of the insufferable sun. No art is true in this sense; none can “compete with life”: not even history, built indeed of indisputable facts, but these facts robbed of their vivacity and sting; so that even when we read of the sack of a city or the fall of an empire, we are surprised and justly commend the author’s talent, if our pulse be quickened. And mark, for a last differentia, that this quickening of the pulse is, in almost every case, purely agreeable; that these phantom reproductions of experience, even at their most acute, convey decided pleasure; while experience itself, in the cockpit of life, can torture and slay.

152

What, then, is the object, what the method, of an art, and what the source of its power? The whole secret is that no art does “compete with life.” Man’s one method, whether he reasons or creates, is to half-shut his eyes against the dazzle and confusion of reality. The arts, like arithmetic and geometry, turn away their eyes from the gross, coloured and mobile nature at our feet, and regard instead a certain figmentary abstraction. Geometry will tell us of a circle, a thing never seen in nature: asked about a green circle or an iron circle, it lays its hand upon its mouth. So with the arts. Painting, ruefully comparing sunshine and flake-white, gives up truth of colour, as it had already given up relief and movement; and instead of vying with nature, arranges a scheme of harmonious tints. Literature, above all in its most typical mood, the mood of narrative, similarly flees the direct challenge and pursues instead an independent and creative aim. So far as it imitates at all, it imitates not life but speech; not the facts of human destiny, but the emphasis and the suppressions with which the human actor tells of them. The real art that dealt with life directly was that of the first men who told their stories round the savage campfire. Our art is occupied, and bound to be occupied, not so much in making stories true as in making them typical; not so much in capturing the lineaments of each fact, as in marshalling all of them towards a common end. For the welter of impressions, all forcible but all discrete, which life presents, it substitutes a certain artificial series of impressions, all indeed most feebly represented, but all aiming at the same effect, all eloquent of the same idea, all chiming together like consonant notes in music or like the graduated tints in a good picture. From all its chapters, from all its pages, from all its sentences, the well-written novel echoes and re-echoes its one creative and controlling thought; to this must every incident and character contribute; the style must have been pitched in unison with this; and if there is anywhere a word that 153looks another way, the book would be stronger, clearer, and (I had almost said) fuller without it. Life is monstrous, infinite, illogical, abrupt and poignant; a work of art, in comparison, is neat, finite, self-contained, rational, flowing and emasculate. Life imposes by brute energy, like inarticulate thunder; art catches the ear, among the far louder noises of experience, like an air artificially made by a discreet musician. A proposition of geometry does not compete with life; and a proposition of geometry is a fair and luminous parallel for a work of art. Both are reasonable, both untrue to the crude fact; both inhere in nature, neither represents it. The novel, which is a work of art, exists, not by its resemblances to life, which are forced and material, as a shoe must still consist of leather, but by its immeasurable difference from life, a difference which is designed and significant, and is both the method and the meaning of the work.

The life of man is not the subject of novels, but the inexhaustible magazine from which subjects are to be selected; the name of these is legion; and with each new subject—for here again I must differ by the whole width of heaven from Mr. James—the true artist will vary his method and change the point of attack. That which was in one case an excellence, will become a defect in another; what was the making of one book, will in the next be impertinent or dull. First each novel, and then each class of novels, exists by and for itself. I will take, for instance, three main classes, which are fairly distinct: first, the novel of adventure, which appeals to certain almost sensual and quite illogical tendencies in man; second, the novel of character, which appeals to our intellectual appreciation of man’s foibles and mingled and inconstant motives; and third, the dramatic novel, which deals with the same stuff as the serious theatre, and appeals to our emotional nature and moral judgment.

And first for the novel of adventure. Mr. James refers, with singular generosity of praise, to a little book about a 154quest for hidden treasure; but he lets fall, by the way, some rather startling words. In this book he misses what he calls the “immense luxury” of being able to quarrel with his author. The luxury, to most of us, is to lay by our judgment, to be submerged by the tale as by a billow, and only to awake, and begin to distinguish and find fault, when the piece is over and the volume laid aside. Still more remarkable is Mr. James’s reason. He cannot criticise the author, as he goes, “because,” says he, comparing it with another work, “I have been a child, but I have never been on a quest for buried treasure.” Here, is, indeed, a wilful paradox; for if he has never been on a quest for buried treasure, it can be demonstrated that he has never been a child. There never was a child (unless Master James) but has hunted gold, and been a pirate, and a military commander, and a bandit of the mountains; but has fought, and suffered shipwreck and prison, and imbrued its little hands in gore, and gallantly retrieved the lost battle, and triumphantly protected innocence and beauty. Elsewhere in his essay Mr. James has protested with excellent reason against too narrow a conception of experience; for the born artist, he contends, the “faintest hints of life” are converted into revelations; and it will be found true, I believe, in a majority of cases, that the artist writes with more gusto and effect of those things which he has only wished to do, than of those which he has done. Desire is a wonderful telescope, and Pisgah the best observatory. Now, while it is true that neither Mr. James nor the author of the work in question has ever, in the fleshly sense, gone questing after gold, it is probable that both have ardently desired and fondly imagined the details of such a life in youthful day-dreams; and the author, counting upon that, and well aware (cunning and low-minded man!) that this class of interest, having been frequently treated, finds a readily accessible and beaten road to the sympathies of the reader, addressed himself throughout to the building up and circumstantiation of 155this boyish dream. Character to the boy is a sealed book; for him, a pirate is a beard, a pair of wide trousers and a liberal complement of pistols. The author, for the sake of circumstantiation and because he was himself more or less grown up, admitted character, within certain limits, into his design; but only within certain limits. Had the same puppets figured in a scheme of another sort, they had been drawn to very different purpose; for in this elementary novel of adventure, the characters need to be presented with but one class of qualities—the warlike and formidable. So as they appear insidious in deceit and fatal in the combat, they have served their end. Danger is the matter with which this class of novel deals; fear, the passion with which it idly trifles; and the characters are portrayed only so far as they realise the sense of danger and provoke the sympathy of fear. To add more traits, to be too clever, to start the hare of moral or intellectual interest while we are running the fox of material interest, is not to enrich but to stultify your tale. The stupid reader will only be offended, and the clever reader lose the scent.

The novel of character has this difference from all others: that it requires no coherency of plot, and for this reason, as in the case of “Gil Blas,” it is sometimes called the novel of adventure. It turns on the humours of the persons represented; these are, to be sure, embodied in incidents, but the incidents themselves, being tributary, need not march in a progression; and the characters may be statically shown. As they enter, so they may go out; they must be consistent, but they need not grow. Here Mr. James will recognise the note of much of his own work: he treats, for the most part, the statics of character, studying it at rest or only gently moved; and, with his usual delicate and just artistic instinct, he avoids those stronger passions which would deform the attitudes he loves to study, and change his sitters from the humorists of ordinary life to the brute forces and bare types of more emotional moments. In his recent “Author of Beltraffio,” 156so just in conception, so nimble and neat in workmanship, strong passion is indeed employed; but observe that it is not displayed. Even in the heroine the working of the passion is suppressed; and the great struggle, the true tragedy, the scène à faire, passes unseen behind the panels of a locked door. The delectable invention of the young visitor is introduced, consciously or not, to this end: that Mr. James, true to his method, might avoid the scene of passion. I trust no reader will suppose me guilty of undervaluing this little masterpiece. I mean merely that it belongs to one marked class of novel, and that it would have been very differently conceived and treated had it belonged to that other marked class, of which I now proceed to speak.

I take pleasure in calling the dramatic novel by that name, because it enables me to point out by the way a strange and peculiarly English misconception. It is sometimes supposed that the drama consists of incident. It consists of passion, which gives the actor his opportunity; and that passion must progressively increase, or the actor, as the piece proceeded, would be unable to carry the audience from a lower to a higher pitch of interest and emotion. A good serious play must therefore be founded on one of the passionate cruces of life, where duty and inclination come nobly to the grapple; and the same is true of what I call, for that reason, the dramatic novel. I will instance a few worthy specimens, all of our own day and language: Meredith’s “Rhoda Fleming,” that wonderful and painful book, long out of print,21 and hunted for at bookstalls like an Aldine; Hardy’s “Pair of Blue Eyes”; and two of Charles Reade’s, “Griffith Gaunt” and “The Double Marriage,” originally called “White Lies,” and founded (by an accident quaintly favourable to my nomenclature) on a play by Maquet, the partner of the great Dumas. In this kind of novel the closed door of “The Author of Beltraffio” must be broken open; passion 157must appear upon the scene and utter its last word; passion is the be-all and the end-all, the plot and the solution, the protagonist and the deus ex machinâ in one. The characters may come anyhow upon the stage: we do not care; the point is, that, before they leave it, they shall become transfigured and raised out of themselves by passion. It may be part of the design to draw them with detail; to depict a full-length character, and then behold it melt and change in the furnace of emotion. But there is no obligation of the sort; nice portraiture is not required; and we are content to accept mere abstract types, so they be strongly and sincerely moved. A novel of this class may be even great, and yet contain no individual figure; it may be great, because it displays the workings of the perturbed heart and the impersonal utterance of passion; and with an artist of the second class it is, indeed, even more likely to be great, when the issue has thus been narrowed and the whole force of the writer’s mind directed to passion alone. Cleverness again, which has its fair field in the novel of character, is debarred all entry upon this more solemn theatre. A far-fetched motive, an ingenious evasion of the issue, a witty instead of a passionate turn, offend us like an insincerity. All should be plain, all straightforward to the end. Hence it is that, in “Rhoda Fleming,” Mrs. Lovel raises such resentment in the reader; her motives are too flimsy, her ways are too equivocal, for the weight and strength of her surroundings. Hence the hot indignation of the reader when Balzac, after having begun the “Duchesse de Langeais” in terms of strong if somewhat swollen passion, cuts the knot by the derangement of the hero’s clock. Such personages and incidents belong to the novel of character; they are out of place in the high society of the passions; when the passions are introduced in art at their full height, we look to see them, not baffled and impotently striving, as in life, but towering above circumstance and acting substitutes for fate.

158

And here I can imagine Mr. James, with his lucid sense, to intervene. To much of what I have said he would apparently demur; in much he would, somewhat impatiently, acquiesce. It may be true; but it is not what he desired to say or to hear said. He spoke of the finished picture and its worth when done; I, of the brushes, the palette, and the north light. He uttered his views in the tone and for the ear of good society; I, with the emphasis and technicalities of the obtrusive student. But the point, I may reply, is not merely to amuse the public, but to offer helpful advice to the young writer. And the young writer will not so much be helped by genial pictures of what an art may aspire to at its highest, as by a true idea of what it must be on the lowest terms. The best that we can say to him is this: Let him choose a motive, whether of character or passion; carefully construct his plot so that every incident is an illustration of the motive, and every property employed shall bear to it a near relation of congruity or contrast; avoid a sub-plot, unless, as sometimes in Shakespeare, the sub-plot be a reversion or complement of the main intrigue; suffer not his style to flag below the level of the argument; pitch the key of conversation, not with any thought of how men talk in parlours, but with a single eye to the degree of passion he may be called on to express; and allow neither himself in the narrative, nor any character in the course of the dialogue, to utter one sentence that is not part and parcel of the business of the story or the discussion of the problem involved. Let him not regret if this shortens his book; it will be better so; for to add irrelevant matter is not to lengthen but to bury. Let him not mind if he miss a thousand qualities, so that he keeps unflaggingly in pursuit of the one he has chosen. Let him not care particularly if he miss the tone of conversation, the pungent material detail of the day’s manners, the reproduction of the atmosphere and the environment. These elements are not essential: a novel may be excellent, and yet have none 159of them; a passion or a character is so much the better depicted as it rises clearer from material circumstance. In this age of the particular, let him remember the ages of the abstract, the great books of the past, the brave men that lived before Shakespeare and before Balzac. And as the root of the whole matter, let him bear in mind that his novel is not a transcript of life, to be judged by its exactitude; but a simplification of some side or point of life, to stand or fall by its significant simplicity. For although, in great men, working upon great motives, what we observe and admire is often their complexity, yet underneath appearances the truth remains unchanged: that simplification was their method, and that simplicity is their excellence.

 

II

Since the above was written another novelist has entered repeatedly the lists of theory: one well worthy of mention, Mr. W. D. Howells; and none ever couched a lance with narrower convictions. His own work and those of his pupils and masters singly occupy his mind; he is the bondslave, the zealot of his school; he dreams of an advance in art like what there is in science; he thinks of past things as radically dead; he thinks a form can be outlived: a strange immersion in his own history; a strange forgetfulness of the history of the race! Meanwhile, by a glance at his own works (could he see them with the eager eyes of his readers) much of this illusion would be dispelled. For while he holds all the poor little orthodoxies of the day—no poorer and no smaller than those of yesterday or to-morrow, poor and small, indeed, only so far as they are exclusive—the living quality of much that he has done is of a contrary, I had almost said of a heretical, complexion. A man, as I read him, of an originally strong romantic bent—a certain glow of 160romance still resides in many of his books, and lends them their distinction. As by accident he runs out and revels in the exceptional; and it is then, as often as not, that his reader rejoices—justly, as I contend. For in all this excessive eagerness to be centrally human, is there not one central human thing that Mr. Howells is too often tempted to neglect: I mean himself? A poet, a finished artist, a man in love with the appearances of life, a cunning reader of the mind, he has other passions and aspirations than those he loves to draw. And why should he suppress himself and do such reverence to the Lemuel Barkers? The obvious is not of necessity the normal; fashion rules and deforms; the majority fall tamely into the contemporary shape, and thus attain, in the eyes of the true observer, only a higher power of insignificance; and the danger is lest, in seeking to draw the normal, a man should draw the null, and write the novel of society instead of the romance of man.


19This paper, which does not otherwise fit the present volume, is reprinted here as the proper continuation of the last.—R. L. S.

201884.

21Now no longer so, thank Heaven!

Stevie Smith

Not Waving but Drowning
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Come Death

I feel ill. What can the matter be?
I’d ask God to have pity on me,
But I turn to the one I know, and say:
Come, Death, and carry me away.

Ah me, sweet Death, you are the only god
Who comes as a servant when he is called, you know,
Listen then to this sound I make, it is sharp
Come Death. Do not be slow.

Tuesday, 23 June 2026

Kingsmill Massacre

One of the most harrowing moments in the whole history of the harrowing of the heart in Northern Ireland came when a minibus full of workers being driven home one January evening in 1976 was held up by armed and masked men and the occupants of the van ordered at gunpoint to line up at the side of the road. Then one of the masked executioners said to them, "Any Catholics among you, step out here". As it happened, this particular group, with one exception, were all Protestants, so the presumption must have been that the masked men were Protestant paramilitaries about to carry out a tit-for-tat sectarian killing of the Catholic as the odd man out, the one who would have been presumed to be in sympathy with the IRA and all its actions. It was a terrible moment for him, caught between dread and witness, but he did make a motion to step forward. Then, the story goes, in that split second of decision, and in the relative cover of the winter evening darkness, he felt the hand of the Protestant worker next to him take his hand and squeeze it in a signal that said no, don't move, we'll not betray you, nobody need know what faith or party you belong to. All in vain, however, for the man stepped out of the line; but instead of finding a gun at his temple, he was thrown backward and away as the gunmen opened fire on those remaining in the line, for these were not Protestant terrorists, but members, presumably, of the Provisional IRA.

- From Seamus Heaney's Nobel Prize acceptance speech

Where we go when we die

To come back to where we go when we die. I have two thoughts. When I’m trying to sleep or very down and laid up in bed I often return to them. 

One is when we die from hurt. Whether it’s a bullet to the stomach or some sadness. I imagine myself stumbling on and on until I crumple in a heap, and my tears flow into the ground under me until I grow roots and dissolve and turn into a tree. Live out the rest of my lifespan as a big tall tree. Lots of leaves, no feelings. Just sunlight and the companionship of neighboring trees all rustling together in the wind. Then one day when the pain is all gone because so much time has passed, the tree dies and the person wakes up. But there’s no memory of who they were or what was wrong and who they loved. The person starts all over again and maybe even meets someone who knows them from the last life - but they can’t remember and it means nothing to them.

The other one is just dying. You can feel the urge coming on for a long time before hand and tell everyone it won’t be long. Then one day during breakfast or lunch with your family you just suddenly say it’s time, and then get up and walk out toward a body of water. Most people live next to a lake or a pond or the sea, and they follow behind you. When you stumble into the water you start to dissolve from the tips of your fingers and toes like a bath bomb, until, completely submerged, you fizzle away.  Someone who loves you follows you into the water crying and trying to hold on to you but there’s nothing to hold on to.

But the water contains everyone who’s ever dissolved into it. If you miss someone you can go for a swim and feel them holding you. If you talk to the water you hear it murmuring things back.

Most families have a lake where everyone goes and the water is friendly and kids can swim and play there on their own and nothing bad can happen to them. If your people are in the water, you see a shimmer on the surface in the night. Sometimes immigrants or orphans are surprised to find some body of water in some foreign place that recognizes them, and calls out to them when it’s dark.

A lot of people go into the sea so the sea is friendly to everyone. Water evaporates and comes back as rain so that’s friendly too. Even the shower or the coffee is friendly, in a nice stranger who smiles at you at the bus stop kind of way. 

So actually no one is really ever alone.

On being a badly bound book

Recently I had a pretty bad spell of anxiety and depression for no apparent reason. One part may be the fact that while I was in Taiwan I had to always be present and correct when shit hits the fan, and perhaps that’s left me with less resources than I would normally be able to scrape together. Whatever the reason, it’s  always like juggling on a alpine mountainside in winter, where one dropped ball launches an avalanche and all of a sudden I remember how much stuff I have to be sad about, if I ever took the time. 

Back in the little basement flat in Toronto when I cried over books full of photos of Audrey Hepburn and promised myself that my life would be beautiful one day, I didn’t foresee that when I got there, I would have trouble believing in it. Now everything is good but I’m worried that there’s a something just around the corner, beyond the next blind-spot, which is waiting to shove me to the ground. 

Fortunately for me when I tell this to them, they let me cry and shield me and tell me that the things I fear will never come to pass. A sat on the sofa, face full of compassion, while I cried in my old high-back chair, trying and failing to pull myself together. N put his arms around me and let me sob into the collar of his linen shirt, while trains whizzed past us in the garden. S wrote with book recommendations and words of encouragement, responding in detail to my long rambling account of every last weird thought that’s ever crossed my mind (Nothing is actually wrong but the persistent and intense anticipation of what could go wrong and remembering what has gone wrong in the past makes me howl with tears all the time. Sometimes I feel like my chronology is messed up so that things which went bad in chapter 4 makes another appearance in chapter 36 as though I am a bookbinder’s mistake). 

J held me all night while I cried and J rushed home to make sure that I was ok. When I tensely pulled a sponge cake out of the oven and declared that it was a-okay, T asked me if I was happy and I unthinkingly replied yes. He smiled and said good, because that’s what we want. 

It’s a funny thing because T is really… wimpy. Prefers to be soft and cuddly, whines about me being mean when I pan his favorite novels, and is scared of having his blood drawn. In comparison I feel tough as nails. But he suddenly pointed out that it’s just a coping mechanism because I’m anticipating yet another thing that I must survive.Turns out I’m not very tough after all just hoping to fake it till I make it.

I have all the good fortune and everything that is required to make me happy. All I need to do is take possession of it. Believe that it happened because me. Because we wanted it, and we built it. It seems that while I’ve stopped worrying about how things should be, I am still working on enjoying how things are. 

The other day on the phone with F he suddenly said but what if things go right? I’m trying to hold onto that all the time. 


Another thing that’s been playing on my mind is intrinsic vs. relative worth. It seems to me that I’ve been conditioned to equate my self worth with my productivity, academic achievement, appearance, and comparison to my peers, among other things.  

One day T and I were on the phone and he said are you ok you look tired? I was like yes it's PMS and this is how I look and how I will look for a while - old and tired, because I am. Then I apologized and he was like what the fuck for? Then I realized that I see being attractive as one of my core competencies and if I'm failing on that front I should be sorry. It's not how I would think of friends or lovers but it's how I think of myself like what the fuck is wrong with me. 

They got me young and now it’s a reflex I can’t work myself loose from. I’m lucky in that my partners really don’t seem to think that way. When we went for a walk together after my first ersatz birthday party (Sunday afternoon at the old airfield), none of them were thinking about why I held someone's hand more often, and if that means they are more important to me. Someone asked me whose hand I held during the walk there and back and when I asked them, they were like… it depends on who was talking to whom? Like why is that even a question. 

If their needs are met, they don’t wonder if someone else is better. I wish I were like that, but I cling to the illusory crutch that I am comparatively, relatively better, in some tangible way (as a giraffe would say - taller). Everyone has received the memo that this useful lie is to be kept up at all times. Luckily they don’t seem to find it an issue. 

Though N did ask me whether there isn’t something that I bring to the table that is uniquely mine. I hesitated and said… money? He was like, uh, no. Perhaps it’s one clue to solving the problem - like how I never compare myself to trans girls because I literally couldn’t grow a dick if I tried so why bother? (T suggested that I simply must find the dick in everyone else so I stop comparing). We are lovely and different creatures. Maybe one day I’ll see everyone like that - no more tallying up points. Like how when Katarina told Ben that her six year old can cycle 30 km in one day, Ben asked yeah but he can play the lute?

I'd like to feel sure of my intrinsic worth because rationally I think I'm very worthy of love. Even though just writing that makes me doubt myself a little, in the way that birthday parties make me wonder why I'm even worth celebrating.

So next year on my ersatz birthday I'll go all out and get party decorations. I'll send invites well ahead of time and let people know it's my birthday. 

Monday, 25 May 2026

The Mower

The Mower

The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found   
A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,   
Killed. It had been in the long grass.
I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.   
Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world   
Unmendably. Burial was no help:
Next morning I got up and it did not.
The first day after a death, the new absence   
Is always the same; we should be careful
Of each other, we should be kind   
While there is still time.

- Philip Larkin

Tuesday, 28 April 2026

Good Bones

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

- Maggie Smith (the other one)