Phew, done.

Don't look back.

how am i and how are you

time of the month. feeling bloated. spotty. cranky. back hurts. generally unwell.
thinking about your email. thinking about you.
as usual am very very busy with work. sometimes (by which I mean often) questioning my own worth in the workplace, but plowing ahead nevertheless.
sometimes question my worth in other ways too but those are mostly moments of insecurity and I try not to pay much heed to them.
though a little bit of doubt is good, I think.

Other than that not a whole lot to report...

Very grateful for the good you bring and have brought to my life, and wishing you well from afar.

talking with Celia

being with people isn't the way to cure the fear of being alone. being alone is.

How much

things can change in a short while. Reminds me of the old joke about Torontonian climate: 'Don't like the weather? Wait five minutes.'

Either nothing comes out of the glass ketchup bottle or it all spills out at once - on your face.

It feels a little bit hard to find time for myself.

for you (moving on)

sometimes the only thing to do is move on.

You're going to have a really good time in your new home, I can feel it - and when things are all settled down, give me a shout. I'd love to hear from you then. Until that time, good luck and remember that I'm wishing you well.

Because I can

I feel better every day.

It's our capacity for joy that defines who we are.

fuck that...

it'll be fine. how's this for positive thinking?

Here's what I think of birthdays

marking one thing out from others is like marking it for doom and blight.

Are you sure

you know where it's at?

I don't

... do things by halves. When I set out to make a wreck of myself, I use a sledgehammer to smash every last bit of dignity, pride, self-control and anything else going into oblivion, and spend a long time scraping myself off the pavement. Many apologies if you're caught in the process.

The worst is when no one is a bad guy but everyone ends up having a bad time anyway.

Effective.

Last night

You

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Recommending

A friend of mine recently recommended Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson. I have to say that it's both challenging and engrossing and hilarious in parts. I have only just gotten into it (about one tenth of the way through?), but I think this will get my heartfelt recommendation.

Long ago (well, 8 years or so, actually)