Dream vs. Reality

I had a dream the other night about sitting down with a warm whole-wheat multi-grain roll, with a pat of butter, and a cup of rooibos tea. Now I am at work, and I have a whole-meal multi-grain roll, which is Chinese style baking (semi-sweet and very fluffy), with orange slice cheese baked into it in swirls, no butter, and a thermos cup of hot water. Er. It tastes ok - but I prefer dream over reality.

The World's Local Bank (which world do they live in?)

I went to HSBC in Taipei today to open an account. I had met a girl at swing here a while ago, who worked for HSBC. She said that I could open an account here and use it abroad. It seemed like a pretty good thing, because when I was in Britain last, I banked with the Royal Bank of Scotland and they fucked it up royally. By far the worst banking service I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing, hands down. Since College wrote to me yesterday asking me for bank details so they can pay in my stipend, and I know there is an HSBC in Oxford, I thought I'd just go and open an account in Taipei, and then it'll be ready for when I make the move in August.

Not so simple.

In numerous airports I have seen advertisements saying "HSBC - the world's local bank." I get to the Taipei 建國 branch and they were very, very polite. The lady informs me that there's two accounts, one is entirely on-line banking, in US and TW dollars only, and the other one is a "premier" account (or some such thing - her English was quite accented). She said the premier account can indeed be accessed world wide but had a minimum deposit of NT$ 3,000,000. I think that was meant to discourage me from proceeding further, but just for the hell of it, I asked her to let me speak to a representative anyway. She took me into the inner sanctum, containing plush red sofas, a big flat-screen television (CNN), cups of tea/coffee (though no one offered me any), a tray of candies, a lot of cubicles/offices with varnished wood doors and semi transparent glass walls, and customers coming in to access their vaults. Then a nice man came to inform me of the same thing that the lady had just told me - which, put into simple terms, means that HSBC is the world's local bank if you live in a world where people have NT$ 3,000,000 to throw around (that's 50,000 pds, or USD$100,000).

I read somewhere once that 40% of the world's wealth is owned by 1% of the population. I don't know exactly how many people in the world can afford to have an HSBC "premier" account, put NT$ 3,000,000 in it just to keep it open, and to enjoy the privilege of accessing it elsewhere - but I'm sure that it's really quite a small percentage of the world's population. So perhaps the claim of HSBC being "the world's local bank" is a bit of an exaggeration. It certainly isn't the same world I live in. Thinking back - that girl at swing who said I could open an account with HSBC - she must have thought I was extremely well off. Hmm.

Then I read this entry in someone's blog, about HSBC, and started having second thoughts on whether I want to bank with them at all. Anyone got suggestions of reliable, efficient, and competent UK banks?

Only in Japan

Here's an amusing piece of news from AFP:

Hello Kitty to be appointed Japan's tourism ambassador
(18th May 2008) TOKYO (AFP) —

Japan will on Monday appoint the mouthless feline cartoon character Hello Kitty as a goodwill tourism ambassador in China and Hong Kong, with the aim of promoting visits here, Kyodo News has reported.

The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism will announce the appointment on Monday, Kyodo said at the weekend, quoting ministry officials.

It will mark the first time a cartoon character has become a goodwill ambassador for Japan under the government's campaign launched in 2003 to promote visits to the country, it said.

Under its "Visit Japan Campaign" to attract foreigners, the government hopes to attract 10 million overseas tourists annually by 2010, up from 8.35 million last year.

The ministry, which has so far appointed 11 people as goodwill tourism ambassadors, said the global icon was "qualified" for the job due to its popularity among Chinese people, it said.

A Hello Kitty blog will start around late June on the Chinese language page of the campaign website to introduce tourist attractions in Japan, including historic and popular sites, Kyodo said.

Hello Kitty, which started in 1974 in Japan as a moon-faced cartoon cat on a coin purse, has developed into a global phenomenon, with more than 50,000 different products on sale in 60 nations.

In March, the foreign ministry appointed the nation's beloved cartoon robo-cat Doraemon as a charm ambassador in a bid to promote the nation's culture and win the hearts of future world leaders.

Which reminds me of a book I'd recommend, Hello, Please!, on Japan's kawaii culture. The book also contains a great collection of those humble "working characters" whose jobs is to use their cuteness to grab our attention and deliver an important message. Here is an example of a kawaii type sign which Topher found - cute, huh?

Please lend a hand

Several days ago I attended a wedding in Shanghai, and stayed in Macau for one night. On our way back, the Sichuan earthquake happened as we dozed through another segment of in-flight entertainment. When we got on the ground and turned on our mobile phones, anxious relatives and friends who knew we were travelling in China telephoned to make sure that we were ok.

Imagine the anxiety of those whose loved-ones are in the midst of disaster - earthquake or cyclone.

In China the government is rushing with all speed to provide disaster relief. Websites are flooded with postings appealing for water, medication, food - and notices seeking information on missing relatives and friends. In Myanmar, the junta is still hindering aid from reaching those most critically affected.

If you can, please lend a hand by donating to those who need help. The International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement is accepting donations for a variety of causes (earthquake, cyclone, food insecurity, flood, HIV/AIDS) - of which I am sure there is at least one you care about.

Only a great deal of conspiring...

could have brought this about.

Sometimes I get these days where things conspire against me, to stop me from doing what I want to do. Most days work is very, very slow. I might translate an article or two, and then sit and knit all the live long day. Today I came with the plan of tackling my British student visa application (and I truly mean tackling, in a violent, agonized, frustrating, molar extracting, kind of sense. At some other time, if I have recovered from the intellectual and emotional trauma of the process, I will blog about it). However, as soon as I got to work I've been absolutely inundated with work. Nothing interesting either - just routine, routine, and a whole lot of waste of words. If someone was going to write an article just to fill space in a newspaper, I'd really like them to be at least good at writing. No such luck. I implore you - if you are a political commentator in Taiwan - just STOP, for god's sake. Hold your pen for a couple of days, and wait until you've actually got something to say. Then, when you've written it, read it through, and cut absolutely everything that is unnecessary out of it. When you have an article about 1/3 of the length of your original, go ahead and publish.

My year in Taiwan is about to come to an end and my stint at Taipei Times will leave me with very mixed feelings. In a way it was interesting, and it taught me a lot of things (but then again, the things I don't know could fill a truck, so learning something new is not hard). In another way I've found it to be the most frustrating experience - not only the fact that it's an office job, but the fact that so much of what I do is processing pointless, poorly argued, essentially illogical tripe. Repetitive, uninteresting, and without the slightest shred of intellectual challenge. Not having an ounce of respect for my employer is probably not going to help that either.

Liberty Times: several days ago the headline news (yes, front page headline) was about a German volunteer in Taiwan. He's tall and blond, and works with disabled children. The article spent itself in the journalistic equivalent of simpering and eye-batting. I ask you - did nothing else more important in the world happen that day? truly nothing more important than a tall white guy volunteering in Taiwan?

Case and point.

On the plus side the job is relatively cushy, the pay is fine by me, and the people I work with are very, very nice.

But I'll still be glad to be moving on come July.

The things I don't know...

...could fill a truck.

For four years when I was at Edinburgh I saw a lot of the same faces at lectures. Some of them I knew well, some only through shared seminars. Some I know are on my course - but I have never spoken to. One of them was a girl who never took notes in lectures (for someone like me, who brings a laptop and records things like a court typist, this is very radical), and sometimes knits. I only knew that she is a friend of a friend of mine - and I heard that she's a good knitter and sells patterns on-line.

I recently took up knitting again after... oh, a 3 year hiatus. I'm learning how to do some simple socks at the moment, and I have to say, making things gives me a great deal of satisfaction (more than translating, if you can believe that ((this is meant to be sarcastic))). Yesterday I randomly remembered this girl from Uni, and I thought I'd see if I could find her web page. It took me a while because I wasn't sure what her name is - but eventually I found it at: Ysolda Store .

I have to say I was very very impressed! Her blog/store is beautifully designed - but more importantly, so are her knits! I was a bit awed and really regretted not making friends with her when I was in Uni - but the truth of the matter is, I'm the type of person who can seldom be arsed to go out of my way to get to know someone! Still, I left a message on her blog and recommended several places for her to visit in Toronto (since she appears to be there right now).
On my way home from work I tried to think of reasons why I am as cool, if not more cool, than she is. Then I realized how stupid it is to compare myself to people that I don't even really know. I have the strange tendency of (mostly unconsciously) needing to feel that I am better than people around me. (Actually, scratch "around me" - because this obviously applies to people I only have the vaguest acquaintance of, who live on different continents???) But then I thought: there's people half my age who have won Olympic gold medals - thus I'd never win. But - what's the deal? why do I have to compare myself to people all the time when mostly it's completely pointless?

Sometimes I think it's because I grew up in Taiwan, where competitiveness is more or less a way of life. Sometimes I think it's because I lack self-confidence (but normally I think I'm a fairly confident individual). Anyway, I was unable to reach a conclusion.

Speaking of this strange syndrome of mine - I remember the first time I ever sat down and had a conversation with Toph's ex-girlfriend. Somehow the conversation got onto the topic of the Ottoman Empire. Toph and Cate both insisted that the Ottoman Empire originated in Algeria, whereas I had always thought that it originated in Turkey and spread west. Afterwards I went home and told Amittai (my erstwhile flatmate) and his friend - and they both told me that I was wrong. I looked it up on-line and discovered that I was wrong. Now get this: I then sat down at my own kitchen table and burst into tears.

Ok. Granted things with Toph were a bit tense then - and we actually split up a short time later over ex-issues - so I was obviously under a considerable amount of strain and very sensitive to Cate. Still, the mechanism behind the whole incident is the same.

So - if you're reading this, fancy a go at psychotherapy? I'm open to suggestions as to why I'm like this.

In any case. Years later, I was hanging out with my pal Anders, who is working on his PhD on the Ottoman Empire. We were standing in the kitchen cooking when I told him the story about Toph, Cate, Myself & the Origins of the Ottoman Empire - then he said "But the Ottoman Empire DID originate in Turkey." I said "no, no, I looked it up." Then he said "look, are you a historian on the history of the Ottoman Empire, or am I?" When I realized the wisdom in his argument I ran at him to give him a hug and slipped on his (very slippery) kitchen floor. Even though I absolutely trust his academic scholarship I still made him look it up and show me. Anyway at the end of it, I was bruised - but happy.

Still the question remains: why the hell should it matter if I happen to know that the Ottoman Empire originated in Turkey, and some other people don't? It's pretty fucked, isn't it?

But coming back to the topic with which I started this post: the important thing is - if you knit, or just like beautiful things, check out Ysolda's site!

Oxford

I've been accepted to Keble College at Oxford to study medieval literature for a year. Better yet, they're going to give me a studentship (scholarship + stipend). I've been there briefly during my highs school career - in a summer course. I stayed at St. Peter's, I think, and ate many times at a cafe called the Nosebag. I wonder if things will seem quite familiar.

Last night Topher and I were walking home along Minchuan West rd. (民權西路), and we had just passed a temple (行天宮) when a big billboard advertising a study abroad program appeared. There was a huge picture of the Bodleian Library. Toph said "Look, that's where you're going to be!"

I must say I'm looking forward to it.

But a part of me is afraid that I'll get there and realize that everyone is: A. 10 x more erudite and B. 100 x more intelligent. I think I mentioned this to Bruce once and he said not to worry because half the people there are worried about the same thing.

Petrarchan Love

Here's something I wrote in my first year at Edinburgh Uni. It still amuses me.

While I was revising for my Scottish Literature exam today a rather curious fact dawned upon me concerning the widespread influences of Petrarchan love. Petrarch was a 14th C Italian poet who popularized the sonnet form. He was famous for love poems devoted to Laura, his deceased beloved. These poems praised her as the personification of idealized womanhood and described his love for her as a means of reaching God: from temporal love to abstract love to arrive finally at divine love. Some poets who were heavily influenced by Petrarch include William Fowler, who wrote a love sequence titled “The Tarantula of Love”, and Drummond, who explored the tensions and similarities between erotic and divine love in his sonnet sequence devoted to Auristella (dawn star), a lady after his own heart.
In attempting to think of further examples of Petrarchan love I came to realize that its influences are as far reaching as the 20th C, if one pauses to consider lyrics of popular music as a form of poetry. For example, popular late 20th C musician/poet Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails fame demonstrates erotic love finely interwoven with religious devotional desires in “Closer”:
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
You get me closer to God.
Although the versification of this transition from temporal to divine love does not take place within strict sonnet form, the influence of Petrarch’s poetry is nevertheless undeniable in its extreme language and combination of earthly and religious pleasure.

Two cents more to the BBC

Last night on my way home I passed by the Taipei City Government MRT stop. There was a lot of political rallying going on - people giving out flags and flyers and inflatable sticks and other unimaginable paraphernalia emblazoned with the crests of the candidates. On my way down the escalator a young couple ahead of me were both wearing t-shirts with "TAIWAN 1" on the back (supporters of DPP candidate Frank Hsieh 謝長廷), and holding green flags. Coming up the escalator was a man all in blue, with a great big red "2" in his hand (supporter of KMT candidate Ma Ying-jeou 馬英九). They passed each other on the escalator as the tenseness of pre-election political fission seemed to drown out all else in the air.

Today we made headline on BBC News: "Taiwan Counts Presidential Votes."There's a Have Your Say option at the end of the article - so if you'd like to give your two-cents for free, now's the time. Here's my two cents:

The Treaty of Shimonoseki in 1895 ceded Taiwan to Japanese rule for 50 years. My grandfather grew up under the Japanese occupation, and it is a period which has left indelible marks on the island and its people. Hence the separate governance of Taiwan happened before 1949.

Even as a child in Taiwan, our sovereignty and independence had always been to me an incontrovertible fact. When I first understood the situation as it is today: Taiwan denied international recognition, and under the constant threat of a dangerous, ambitious neighbour, I felt a great sense of injustice.

As we move toward real democracy and further onto the international stage, I hope that Taiwan will be able to gain international recognition and support. Although I am for Taiwanese independence, I recognize the right of the other citizens in my country to have a say in the matter. Thus the question of whether Taiwan should be independent of China is one which must be put to a referendum for the Taiwanese. Although the referendums being held today are ostensibly about UN membership, independence is the real question. Those who oppose holding "provocative" referendums or pushing for independence do so not because they wish to be part of a tyrannical state with a poor human rights record, but for fear of China's military might.

China's threats of violence and tactics of international isolation against Taiwan is an atrocity against the principles of democratic freedom. The international community at large would benefit from supporting Taiwan's claims to independence - not only because it would be the right thing to do, but because if China is not taught a lesson and weaned off its habit of bullying to get its way, one day it will point its missiles and nuclear weapons at someone else.

After I gave them my two cents I had a browse around a few pages on the BBC about Taiwan. There were certain things I found curious (in addition to their statement that Taiwan had been separately governed since 1949, which I dealt with in my comment above):

From Q&A: Taiwan Elections I quote:
"The Nationalist Party, or Kuomintang, dominated Taiwanese politics for more than 50 years."
Now, I know I may be biased, but I think "dominated" is perhaps an understatement. That's like saying Leopold II "controlled" the Congo Free State. While these terms are not, strictly speaking, erroneous, they sanitize an entire period of abuse and leave a seemingly unambiguous clean slate behind. The KMT government did in fact dominate Taiwan - they also conducted the 228 Massacre, imposed martial law, suppressed freedoms of speech, and instituted arbitrary detainment during the White Terror era - just to name a few things they did whilst "dominating."

"But over his (soon to be former president Chen Shui-bian 陳水扁) eight years in power, voters have become increasingly concerned about economic issues and have tired of the corruption scandals that have dogged Mr Chen and his aides."
This is correct - but I would like to add that during their years of "domination," the KMT did not hesitate to fill their coffers by pilfering from the public. Their party-assets are still a topic of dispute in Taiwan. Unfortunately, corruption is not one-sided.

"Mr Ma, whose party traditionally leans more towards China"
Just exactly what does "leans more toward" mean? It's really wonderfully vague. Officially, the KMT still thinks that it's the legitimate government in exile of ALL of China - the reason why they would be open to "a conditional peace deal with Beijing at an unspecified point in the future" is because the KMT believes it has a claim to Chinese government as a whole rather than just that of Taiwan (guess what Beijing would say to that). The "condition" here is re-unification - but I don't see the BBC getting into any detail.

From Timeline: Taiwan, I'd like to note that it begins only in 2000, thus missing out a great deal of background necessary to understanding the current situation. Also, I quote:

2002 January - Taiwan officially enters the World Trade Organisation, only a few weeks after China. Yes, but only as a "Separate Customs Territory," collectively known as "Chinese Taipei" - also the title under which we compete in international sporting events.

2003 July - Taiwan is the final country to be removed from the WHO's list of countries which were badly affected by the Sars virus. This is very interesting - because the BBC seems to have made a slip and called Taiwan a "country" - Beijing would not be pleased. Also, it fails to mention that Taiwan does not even have observer status in the WHO! On this issue, I quote:

Since 1972, Taiwan's health officials and medical professionals have been unable to take part in any WHO forums and workshops on the latest technologies in the diagnosis, monitoring, and control of diseases. Taiwan's health authorities have also been denied the right to maintain contact and coordination with the WHO, even in emergencies involving the containment and cure of existing or newly emerging infectious diseases. (Working for Health: Let Taiwan be WHO's Worthy Partner)

Now, politics aside, this is just dumb. Diseases do not recognize national boundaries. If you have ever worried for yourself or your loved ones because of a disease, or feared for nameless individuals in news reports who were perhaps even unknown to you, then you now know that the WHO's refusal to allow Taiwan participation on political grounds puts everyone (especially as the world keeps getting smaller) at risk by making us the missing link.

One last thing - we may have been the last country to be removed from that list, but unlike China, we are not in the habit of concealing information from international community in order to save face. Do you think you can trust the Chinese governments' reports on SARS? on the Avian-Flu? Let me remind you that they've just ejected all foreign journalists out of Tibet, and then reported that Tibetan dissidents are "turning themselves in."

2007 January - Taiwan defends school history textbooks which refer to China. Beijing accuses Taipei of introducing independence ideologies into the classroom. (ahem, and you don't inculcate your people with the idea that if Taiwan wants to separate, violence is the "legal" resort? Pot calling the kettle black, I should think)

Lastly, on the subject of being the aggressor:
2001 June - Taiwan test-fires Patriot anti-missile defence system bought from US, as China carries out military exercises simulating invasion of island.
AND
2007 March - Newspaper reports that Taiwan has test-fired cruise missile capable of hitting Shanghai or Hong Kong.

Well, I'd like to think that these are a thumbs-up to our military might - but who are we kidding? if China invaded, our only hope is to hold them off long enough to make one last call of help to the US before kissing our loved ones goodbye. I'm serious, we live under constant military threat: there are 1,300 military missiles aimed at Taiwan right now, and their numbers are multiplying. But still the BBC makes it sound as though we were looking for a fight.

Am I biased and paranoid? I'd have to say that it's a distinct possibility - but hear me out here: context is everything - and that is exactly what is lacking in what I read on the BBC regarding the cross-strait issue.

There are several other pieces on the website about Taiwan that I've not had a chance to look at yet - perhaps after dinner...

Taiwan Swing Dance Movement: Contd.

I recently became a part-time worker, which has given me some much appreciated breathing space. I do 3 days a week, get to spend 3 days up in my mountain abode, and 1 day to do swing in town. Yesterday we took advantage of the decent weather (look! no rain!), and built us a bed. Later on Toph designed flyers for the Taiwan Swing Dance Movement for an event on Saturday.

He got the information from the flyers off the Taiwan Swing Dance Movement blog. I sent it out to the other organizers (Maria & Jon, now that Claire has left us to go back to Germany) to be verified. Turns out some of the information was wrong. At the same time that I found this out, I also realized that Maria and I seem to have fallen out of the habit of, well, organizing things together.

While I was working full time I had very little opportunity to spend time on the Swing scene. I guess now that I have more time I need to catch up on developments. One of the developments that I had missed out on is that Maria's lesson times and location have changed. I didn't realize this, so the information on the blog remained much the same as before. Another thing I didn't realize is that Maria and Claire have another blog, Swing Island, also about the Taiwan Swing Dance Movement.

At this point I began to wonder if our fledgling scene had already schismed.

Sometimes in one city you get alot of little different scenes, without much interchange between them. There's even been cases where the dancers boycotted one anothers' classes and dances. It seems a little bit crazy, I know, but it happens.

Obviously we're not at that kind of stage. But I still think that it's time we brought each other up to date on what's happening, and perhaps consolidated things a little. I mean, because I didn't know about the Swing Island blog, the Taiwan Swing Dance Movement blog doesn't even link to it (whereas the Swing Island Blog links to TSDM, but it's a broken link).

I guess my goal is to have a scene that's not too fractured - especially in terms of communicating information. Luckily we still share the same Google Group, so when things happen, everyone should know about it. It's just that I was under the impression that we were working together, but lately I've begun to wonder if it's really working the way it should. Perhaps my past record of being unavailable to help out with things (also my working schedule, which effectively kills any kind of social life) has hindered things a bit. But surely it's not too late to catch up?

Re: Thanks a fucking lot, BBC & The Far Eastern Sweet Potato

I'd like to think that you and I made a little difference. The offending article regarding Tibet on the BBC websites now makes no reference to Taiwan. Though they never got back to me personally, and didn't post a correction/apology as I had suggested, at least they realized their mistake.

So if you wrote them, thank you very much.

This may also be a good time to introduce the blog of a work-colleague, The Far Eastern Sweet Potato. In fact, on reading J.M.'s response to the BBC, I am definitely put to shame. His blog is one of the most thoughtful, articulate, and informative commentaries on politics that I have come across. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

Thanks a fucking lot, BBC

Here's something that almost made me spew my breakfast all over my laptop this morning. In an article on the Tibet situation, the BBC comments:

The Dalai Lama calls not for independence, but for greater autonomy within China. There are various formal frameworks through which that could be achieved.
The one-country, two-systems model devised for Taiwan is one possibility.
So far, that has gone well in Hong Kong - although Hong Kong and Tibet are at very different stages of development.

What's the problem with that? First of all, anyone who knows anything about the cross-strait situation knows that Taiwan and Hong Kong are in vastly different political situations. China has "PROPOSED," not "DEVISED" (devised, to me, implies acceptance on our part), a plan - the "one-country, two-systems," and we told them to fucking stuff it (ok, we didn't have big enough guns to put it those terms, but we are having none of it). So, here we are, an independent, democratic nation seeking international support and recognition (because we've got Asia's biggest bully breathing down our necks and aiming missiles at us) - and what does BBC do? Well, the journalistic equivalent to putting a noose around our necks and chucking us out to the wolves. Now every reader of the BBC is under the impression that the BBC thinks Taiwan is a region with "greater autonomy within China." I am disgusted, especially as I like the BBC.

If you care about Taiwan's international status, please help us out by emailing the BBC and letting them know that they've just made a very pro-China error.

Here's how:
Click here, and give them your two cents - better yet, demand that they give you a response.

Goodbye, grandad

Early yesterday morning my grandfather passed away. He'd been ill for about two weeks and was staying at a hospital in southern Taiwan, where my aunt works as a nurse. I went down two days a week and stayed with him. With him being in intensive care, were allowed 2 visits of 30 minutes each every day. All our extended family who could make it went to see him. My aunt flew back from Canada. I don't remember the last time when we were all together somewhere. He was very lucid, but in a great deal of pain. He had a feeding tube and was hooked up to a breathing machine. He couldn't speak so we gave him a clipboard and a pen. He asked for coffee.

Since he got ill I'd been thinking about all the things I know and remember about him. I don't know which memory is my earliest of my grandfather. Probably the time when he put me off smoking for the rest of my life: I asked if smoking is fun, since he does it so much. He told me that it is great fun, so I asked if I could try it. He lit a cigarette for me and gave it to me. I inhaled deeply and spent the next 10 minutes hacking my lungs out, tears streaming. My grandfather was a very, very clever man.

He had a whole bundle of grand-children: my father is the eldest of 5 kids, and there are 10 of us grand-kids in all. When I was wee I used to think that my grandfather liked my brother best. My brother was a very well behaved child. I remember sitting in at Japanese restaurant with my grandfather as a child, waiting for takeaway. I asked him if I could ask him a question and he said yes. I asked which one of his grand-children he prefer most. He laughed (I think slightly embarrassed but also surprised that I'd asked such a question), and said that he likes us all equally.

My grandfather was a avid golfer and mahjong player. He tried to get me into golf, buying me a membership at a country golf club and getting me a whole golfing kit (plus lessons). I was more interested in the restaurant attached to the club house, and the big lunches after a day on the driving range. I think I only went there once. He never tried to get me into mahjong, though twice he taught me to play during Chinese New Year. I never got good at it, but I always enjoyed asking him if he'd won after his pals have been 'round for a few games. Most of the times he says he'd won, and would give me a share of the takings.

As he got older, his eyesight began to wane. He was forbidden (as though we dared forbid him) from driving long distances. Still he occasionally drove me to school, and in Canada we had our weekly shopping trips to the local grocery store. My grandfather was a very methodical man. We had a shopping routine where he pushed the trolley and I got the food. We started on the left hand side, with fruit & veg, then the deli counter, the dried pasta, the tea bags and his cereal (Tony's Team Tiger Frosted Flakes), the meat, and rounded off with eggs, milk, juice, and occasionally ice cream. Once my father went grocery shopping with us, and he tried to make me push the trolley. My grandfather grabbed the trolley from him, and waved a dismissive hand (implying: "you who do not know how the shopping works, do not interfere"). We then proceeded in the usual manner.

He had a penchant for luxury vehicles: Mercedes Benz especially, and once, a Cadillac that was more boat than car. Once he told me that when he was a child, he saw rich people with houses and cars, and he swore that he'd have a house and a nice car one day. Well, he had those things several times over and more. In fact, he went from being a poor country boy who lost his father at the age of 9 and had only primary school education to being a successful businessman who spoke 3 languages, put 5 kids through university, moved most of them to Canada, and learned to use Skype and read newspapers on line at the age of 79.

Above all my grandfather was a generous man. Ever since I could remember, he had been giving me money. Red envelope money at New Year was a must, but it went far beyond that. Whenever he drove me to a film with my friends he would hand me a bill (on occasion, a wad of cash), and made sure I was more than reasonably well provided for on my journeys away from home. It was his way of showing us that he cares about our welfare and is looking after us. When the money was given for good grades (or getting into a good university), it was also his way of showing that he's proud of us. This Chinese New Year Toph and I both got a heavily laden red envelope from him. Topher's red envelope money has quickly re-materialized in the form of a pair of luxury studio monitors which are blasting out drum & bass in our Jinshan home. I squandered some of mine on clothes and deposited the rest into my bank account. (If I were anything like the cunning investor my grandfather was, I'd do something clever with the remainder.)

Of course he had his shortcomings like every other man. He was never able to kick his addiction to tobacco, which was the source of so much of his health troubles. He was sometimes temperamental and impatient. He was prone to bouts of ill humour and mild depression. But these traits don't figure much in my recollections of him. Maybe because we see the past the way we want to see it, but there's also the fact that his good points far outweigh the bad.

Above all I think his death has made me realize the meaning of "never" for the first time. Normally it's never say never, because so little is for certain. But I know for sure that I will never see my grandfather again. The enormity of that is too much to comprehend. Ever since there was an "I," there has been an "阿公" (grandad). I find it difficult to imagine that I will not visit him again in his Taipei home, or see him having tea or sneaking a smoke in the garage in Canada, or hear his voice on the other end of the line at 3 a.m. in Edinburgh. I find it difficult to understand that he won't be there holding a red envelope of congratulatory cash, smiling broadly, when I get my PhD. Somehow the "family" doesn't feel complete without him, the much beloved patriarch that he is.

I understand Tony Harrison's sentiments in Long Distance II, "I believe life ends with death, and that is all. / You haven't both gone shopping; just the same, / in my new black leather phone book there's your name / and the disconnected number I still call."

Goodbye grandad. I will miss you.

Strangely paradoxical

Does your blogger underline your misspelled words as you type, or is that my firefox doing it? Either way, it doesn't recognize words like blog, blogger, or firefox, with a capital letter or otherwise. Funny, huh?

I've always thought that these things are really the boundaries of ideology - you know, like spell check and also predictive text. They define what can be articulated (the spell check just made me not use the word "sayable" - but my soul is full of defiance, aha!). For instance, my mobile phone (the second cheapest from the shop, an old Nokia which never dies) does not know how to predictively type "fuck" or "bitch" or "arsehole/asshole" - even though I do use them in the most predictable circumstances, and often. I feel like there's an invisible boundary trying to steer me onto the right road of expression. The same goes with Chinese predictive text (if you use 新注音), which tries to guess which character you want to use (each sound that I input in Chinese has a truckload of corresponding characters). I'm not sure how it builds its database of possibilities - but it recognizes some proper names and not others. For instance, it knows Frank Hsieh (謝長廷)... but not some other folk. However, it does pick up names as I go along - so if I entered my friend Ted's name, it will remember. Makes me wonder whether it started out with a list of names that the software developers reckon will always be often used, such as Sun Yat-sen (孫中山) perhaps.

An illustration of the ways in which our ideological framework is already carved out?

Who reckons I ought to go back to Uni?

My (soon to materialize) handmade life

You may know that I cherish a burning and not so secret desire to be a crafter. I used to enjoy making things when I was wee. It's nice making things when you are wee because the critical faculties are not yet well developed. Anything that comes out of anything is amusing and the process is always fun. I would roll up a ball of newspaper and tape it around and decide that it will become, er, an apple! Then I'd paint it and make a bit of a stem and a leaf etc. - eventually I'd have an apple that I had no idea what to do with. Sometimes I shoved them in my parents' face when they came home, sometimes I give it to them (and they stack it away carefully where they always keep things like that). Some time around junior high or high school I stopped making things just for the hell of it, because: A. I was busy studying and dating boys and getting into trouble, B. I began to be critical of what I made, and think "what's the use in it?"

Well, that's all about to change. I've decided to switch to working part-time (3 days a week), so I can make things again. Also so I don't have to commute 4 hours a day, six days a week, down into town from my mountainous abode. This would hopefully also allow me to read more medieval literature - which I've been intending to do since I graduated (tsk tsk). What will I make? Well, I'm not quite sure yet - but rest assured that when I do, you'll see it here.

I also intend to sell things on Etsy. If you want to support my handmade life, buy something when the time comes!